There were a lot of reasons why I decided to become a tattoo artist: fame, fortune and the lure of handling marginally-clothed women in the wee hours of the morning. Guaranteed employment was right up there too, but the real reason was simple. I was hopelessly unemployed, mired in lawsuits, and flat broke, so I was desperate to try anything. While standing in line at Trader Joe’s, I scoured the headlines of Cosmopolitan, Good Housekeeping and Redbook desperate for ideas about which way to turn: “Become a Neuro-surgeon Online in 3 Weeks!” “Learn How to Operate Heavy Equipment in Your Own Backyard!” “Discover the Exciting Field of Cremation!” Everyone had…
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Five Minutes from Lorraine Moxie CrimeFighter & Cholera Priest: babies' names have gone wild
During the period affectionately known as the Baby Boom, routine amniocentesis and maternal sonograms were still years away. And while the 50s and 60s can claim fame to some of the best music in the history of the universe, its struggling medical practices offered no help to new parents trying to choose their babies’ names. That being the case, one would think the prudent thing to do would be to spread your bets equally across two columns of baby names: one for boys and one for girls. But my parents were so convinced that I was going to be a girl, they put everything on pink and let it ride.…
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15 Questions Your Ghostwriter Should Be Asking You And other tips for finding the right person to write your book
What do a Labrador Retriever, a poor Southern tobacco farmer, and a World War II survivor[1] have in common? If you guessed nothing, you’d be wrong. In fact, each was the basis of a best-selling book. Two of them even went on to become Hollywood box office smashes. The world we live in is a fascinating place, filled with thousands of entertaining stories. Some, like those of World War II survivors, will soon be gone—lost forever. Wouldn’t you like to make sure that your story isn’t? If so, you need to write a book! “Sure,” you say. “It’s easy for you to say. You’ve written books and know how to…
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Instructions 101 We all need a little help... even with toilet paper
For the past year and a half, I’ve woken up to a familiar greeting from my digital alarm clock. 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00. Ever since the power went out, my alarm clock has been winking at me, hoping that one day, I’ll learn how to set its time. Fat chance. I don’t have a clue how to follow instructions. It’s not that I haven’t tried. One evening last week, I dragged out the user manual to try to figure out how to change the time from 12:00 midnight to the correct time of the day – which, as luck would have it was 12:00 midnight. Like most user manuals,…
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Putting Lipstick on a Pig* How to avoid getting thrown under the bus while getting your ducks in a row
As someone who’s written professionally for a number of years, I always try to avoid euphemisms, choosing vernacular the average businessman or woman understands. Instead of going back to the drawing board for each game plan, I like to hit the ground running by thinking outside of the box. I’ll usually begin by going after customer-centric, low-hanging fruit, getting my manager’s blessing with the subject matter, to avoid getting thrown under the bus. After years of working with difficult editors, I’ve found drilling down and touching base with management helps deliver more bang for the buck when the marketing department keeps moving the goal posts. For instance, last week, I…