Home Life Archives - Page 7 of 17 - Allen R Smith

All Entries, Business and Work, Home Life, Humor

True Confessions of a Donut Maker And other lurid adventures from the fast food industry

August 20, 2022

“Put yer back into it! Make sure yeh reach waaaaay back and git that cruller behin’ the rear wheels of the ‘frigerator, next to the cockroach.” And, so began the summer of ’66. I was looking for something to tide me over until high school graduation when the Navy planned to ship me off to Vietnam. Maybe bagging groceries, or working in a car wash. Eventually, I settled on the exciting world of commercial fast food. I wasn’t expecting much. Which was good because The Big Donut wasn’t expecting much out of me, either. So, together we settled on part-time, $1.35 an hour, and all the donuts I could eat.…

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All Entries, Family, Home Life, Humor, Leisure and Sports, Medicine

That’s the Way It Was And we liked it!

August 29, 2021

I don’t like things the way they are now. I wished they’d go back to the way they was. We’ve gotten too dang soft. We coddle our younguns and blame everbody but ourselves for our troubles. In my day, we took stock for our own lives, and we liked it! In my day we knew how to talk to people. We didn’t have no stinkin’ internet super-highway, social media, appmachallits or any of that other crap people use nowadays. If we wanted ta talk to someone down at the feed store, we just drove down there and talked to ’em. Or, we’d go into the house and use the dang…

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All Entries, Entertainment and Show Business, Home Life, Humor, Technology

I Had a Passionate Love Affair with Alexa Until I found out she was seeing other people

July 17, 2021

Like many other hook-ups on Match.com, my relationship with Alexa started out as a lark. I was lonely and depressed and thought a virtual relationship might be just the thing to pull me out of it. For those of you who aren’t familiar with her, Alexa is a cloud-based software application that acts as your virtual personal assistant and responds to your voice commands — sort of like my ex-wife during the first six months of our marriage. In a nutshell, you use your voice to ask Alexa questions like, “How many nipples does a monkey have?” or “Is Betty White still a virgin?” and she’ll dutifully answer you. You…

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Coming Up with Creative Incentives for Getting Vaccinated Your chance to get a lap dance, colonoscopy, or early parole — for free!

June 5, 2021

St. Louis, MO — Anheuser-Busch Companies, famous for brewing beer, malt beverages, energy drinks, and bottled water, announced today that it would be hopping on the bandwagon in support of President Biden’s push to get 70% of American adults at least partially vaccinated by Independence Day. “Anheuser-Busch announced that the beer’s on them on July the Fourth,” “Anheuser-Busch announced that the beer’s on them on July the Fourth,” said Mr. Biden at the White House on Wednesday. “That’s right. Get a shot and have a beer! Free beer for everyone 21 years or over to celebrate independence from the virus.” Eligible adults will need to upload a non-compromising picture of…

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All Entries, Family, Health, Home Life, Humor, Hygiene

How to Clean Your Bum And other important product descriptions you may have missed

May 24, 2021

Mitchum Antiperspirant: Remove the cap from the top of the product casing. Twist the knob at the bottom of the container counter-clockwise, until the product begins to ooze from the small holes at the top of the dispenser. While holding the dispenser in your right hand, lift your left elbow away from your naked body until your upper arm is parallel to the floor. Point the tip of the dispenser toward your underarm at a 45-degree angle where your upper arm and torso meet (armpit). Press the dispenser firmly against your skin while dragging the applicator down, applying a thin film of product to your skin. Repeat under other arm.…

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