When I was a kid, I had no idea what my Dad did for a living. Like most of my friends, I was clueless about what our dads did all day. I knew that every morning, he’d take off before I woke up, and return home just in time for dinner. That was about the extent of it.
Why I never asked him how he supported his family, is beyond me. At the time, it just didn’t occur to me to ask.
So, I leaped at the opportunity to ask ChatGPT for its help with a six-year-old boy asking his dad what he did for a living, as a Social Media Influencer, Professional Alibi Broker, Reality TV Star, Professional Crier, Celebrity Chef, and Professional Line Stand-in. Here we go…
SOCIAL MEDIA INFLUENCER
Son: Hey Dad, what do you do for a living?
Father: Ah, my child, I’m a Social Media Influencer. It’s a glorious life of pretending to have a perfect life for likes and shares.
Son: Really? That sounds fun!
Father: Oh, it’s absolutely thrilling. I spend my days making videos that show how amazing my life is. I just smile, and pretend I’m on top of the world while sipping overpriced coffee.
Son: Do you like it?
Father: Like it? I adore spending hours editing photos to make the inside of my studio apartment look like a Lake Tahoe mansion. And the comments, oh! People I’ve never met telling me how to live my life – it’s just what I always dreamed of.
Son: What’s the hardest part of your job?
Father: The hardest part? Keeping up with the never-ending trends. One day, it’s planking, the next day, it’s some dance move I can barely do without pulling a muscle. And let’s not forget the joy of promoting products I never use.
Son: Do you think I could do it when I grow up?
Father: You want to spend your days chasing internet points and manufacturing a life for likes? Sure, why not? Just remember to keep your phone charged – it’s the only friend you’ll ever have in this line of work.
Son: Sounds… interesting.
Father: Oh, it’s a modern fairy tale, alright. Now, let’s go take a selfie with the Pina Coladas I just bought. It’s time for our daily dose of internet validation!
PROFESSIONAL ALIBI BROKER
Son: Dad, what do you do for work?
Father: Well, son, I’ve got a rather unique job. I craft convincing stories for people who need to explain to their spouses where they’ve been and why they won’t be coming home tonight. It’s like being a professional storyteller, but with a twist. I help folks weave tales to cover their tracks.
Son: Wow, Dad, that sounds intriguing! How do you come up with these stories?
Father: It takes a good dose of creativity, discretion, and a total disregard for other people’s feelings. I’ve got to make up believable lies that can fool even the sharpest of minds. It’s a bit like being a master of disguise but with words.
Son: But Dad, isn’t it dishonest to help people lie about themselves?
Father: Well, you see, son, life is full of gray areas. Sometimes, people find themselves in situations where they need a little help. It’s like I’m their knight in shining armor, rescuing them from tricky situations. There’s a certain thrill in the inherent danger when someone’s secret is about to be blown wide open.
Son: I guess I understand, Dad. But isn’t honesty important?
Father: Absolutely, honesty is important, kiddo. But sometimes, people make mistakes or find themselves in complicated situations that require alternative facts. My job is to provide a temporary solution, but in the long run, it’s up to them to straighten things out and learn from their experiences.
Son: I guess that makes sense, Dad. Thanks for explaining it to me.
Father: You’re welcome, son. Remember, life is filled with stories, and some of them are more complicated than others. It’s our job to find the right path and make the best of it.
REALITY TV STAR
Son: Say Dad, what do you do when you go off to work in the morning?
Father: I’m a Reality TV Star, my boy. I get paid to let cameras follow me around all day and capture my most embarrassing moments for the whole world to see.
Son: That sounds cool! Do you enjoy it?
Father: Oh, yeah! There’s nothing better than having absolutely no privacy and arguing over scripted unscripted drama. I especially love it when they edit it to make me look like the villain. Ratings gold!
Son: What kind of things do you do on the show?
Father: Well, it’s a mix of pretending to be shocked by surprises I already knew about and attending extravagant parties where I have to get dressed up in uncomfortable clothes. I also get to argue about things I don’t really care about – all in front of a national audience!
Son: Do people recognize you when we go out?
Father: Recognize me? They adore me! They barge up to me asking for selfies while I’m trying to eat my sandwich. It’s like being with a celebrity, except the celebrity is me, with mustard on his face.
Son: Is it hard being on TV all the time?
Father: Hard? It’s a breeze! I mean, who wouldn’t want their every move judged by millions of strangers? Plus, I get to hear all sorts of opinions about my life from people who’ve never met me. It’s the dream job!
Son: Do you think I could be a Reality TV Star too?
Father: Sure, if you love drama, fake smiles, and have a knack for spilling tea on cue. Just remember, the camera adds ten pounds and takes away a chunk of your dignity. Ready for your close-up?
PROFESSIONAL CRIER
Son: Dad, what do you do for work?
Father: Son, I have a job that’s as unique as it is emotional. I’m a professional crier. I bring authenticity to events by crying on cue, whether it’s tears of joy or sorrow.
Son: You get paid to cry? That’s a job?
Father: Indeed, it is! In this world of ours, emotional depth is often in short supply. So, I step in to provide that depth, professionally rendered of course. I get paid by the minute, hour, or day, depending on how long they need my services.
Son: How do you cry on cue?
Father: Ah, it’s a skill like any other, honed with practice and a touch of natural talent. I think of sad movies, onions, or the time my favorite team lost the championship. Before you know it, the tears start flowing!
Son: What kind of events need a professional crier?
Father: Oh, you’d be surprised. Weddings, funerals, even corporate farewells or grand openings. Anywhere that could use a dash of sincerity or a wave of emotion, I’m there, ready to weep or cheer with the best of them.
Son: Do you like doing it?
Father: Like it? Well, it’s an emotionally taxing job, but there’s something quite rewarding about it too. Knowing that I can move people to tears or bring them a sense of catharsis, it’s quite powerful. Plus, it pays for all the tissues!
Son: Isn’t it weird, crying for strangers?
Father: Weird? Maybe a little. But in the end, it’s all about adding to the human experience, even if it’s just a drop in the ocean of emotions. So, what do you think, son? Ready to explore the world of professional emoting, or have you got your eye on a less teary profession?
CELEBRITY CHEF
Son: Hey Pop, can you tell me what you do for work?
Father: Oh, I’m a Celebrity Chef. I spend my days pretending to be excited about quinoa and kale, whipping up dishes that are more about looks than taste.
Son: That sounds awesome! Do you like cooking?
Father: Like it? I love spending hours perfecting a sauce only to have it described as ‘needs more salt’ on national TV. And there’s nothing quite like the thrill of chopping vegetables at lightning speed, risking my fingers to entertain the masses.
Son: What’s your favorite thing to cook?
Father: My favorite? Well, that has to be anything that requires a blowtorch. Because, you know, setting things on fire is obviously the highlight of my culinary career. Who needs eyebrows, anyway?
Son: Do you get to meet famous people?
Father: Oh, all the time. Famous people with their fancy diets, always wanting something ‘innovative’ and ‘organic’. It’s a joy trying to make tofu taste like a steak.
Son: Is it hard being on TV?
Father: Not at all! It’s super relaxing to cook under blinding studio lights with a producer shouting ‘more action’ in my ear. And let’s not forget the joy of smiling through a failed soufflé on live television.
Son: Could I be a celebrity chef when I grow up?
Father: Absolutely, if you dream of being criticized by food critics who can barely boil water. Just remember, the camera adds ten pounds, but your food must always look weightless and whimsical. Now, let’s go practice our fake TV smiles in the mirror, shall we?
PROFESSIONAL LINE STAND-IN
Son: Dad, what do you do for work?
Father: Well, kiddo, I’ve got a job that’s as simple as it sounds, but surprisingly in demand. I wait in lines for people so they don’t have to. I’m a professional line-stander! In our busy world, time is precious, and my service speaks to the value of time.
Son: That’s interesting, Dad! How does it work?
Father: Do you know how sometimes you have to wait for hours in line at amusement parks, concerts, or even the DMV? Well, I step in as a stand-in, whether it’s just for one person or a whole crowd. No line is too long, and no stand-in job is too small.
Son: So, people pay you to wait in line for them?
Father: Exactly! People are willing to pay big bucks to save their precious time. So, they outsource their waiting duties to me. It’s kind of like I’m their time-saving superhero.
Son: That’s cool, Dad! Do you ever get bored waiting in lines all day?
Father: Well, sometimes it can get a bit tedious, so sometimes I just imagine everyone’s nude to pass the time. It’s all about finding ways to stay entertained while waiting, just like when we’re stuck in traffic on a road trip.
Son: You’re really resourceful, Dad! I guess it’s true what they say – time is money, right?
Father: You got it, kiddo! Time is our most valuable resource, and if I can help people save it, then I’m happy to do so. Plus, it’s a job that keeps me on my toes and teaches me the art of patience, which is a valuable skill in life.
Son: Thanks, Dad. It’s a pretty cool job!
Father: You’re welcome, son.
