If you’re one of those people who wake up in the morning complaining about “not feeling yourself” or are constantly hunting down new pimples and fighting back the hair in your ears, you could have bigger problems… Alien Hand Syndrome, for one. Here are six syndromes and disorders documented in the medical literature of unusual maladies that have made the news but possibly missed your attention. While none of them are considered life-threatening disorders, they do represent some of the nasty tricks the body plays on us. Who is That in the Mirror? Take the case of Robert (not his real name) who was recently diagnosed with Capgras Syndrome, a…
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Better Living through Drug Addiction It's easy getting through life... as long as you have pill, syrup, lotion, cream, antacid, vitamins, tranquilizers, hormones, and suppositories
I’m hopelessly addicted to drugs. You name a pill, syrup, lotion, cream, antacid, vitamin, tranquilizer, hormone, douche or suppository and I’ve not only taken it, but I’ve abused it. Largely because I have an addiction. Anything worth taking is worth taking a lot. In all fairness, I can’t take the blame for my wayward behavior. It began the day I popped out of my mother’s womb when the pediatric nurses started basting me with petroleum jelly and baby lotion like I was a Thanksgiving turkey. In those days, babies were always covered with something. Pediatricians were convinced by the drug companies that it was dangerous for a baby’s skin to…
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Sarah’s Will What happens when you pit a strong-willed athlete with catastrophe? Gold medal success, of course
Anyone who’s gone through a life-changing event will tell you that transformations do not always happen for the worse. Sometimes, what may seem to be a catastrophic turn of events can end up reshaping your entire reason for being. In December of 1988, Sarah Will was a jubilant, attractive college graduate working as a carpenter in Aspen, Colorado. On her days off, she consumed hours ripping up the slopes, chasing after the perfect run. One morning while traversing across a hill to catch another lift, her skis came to an abrupt halt, launching her over her tips and onto her back. She couldn’t feel her legs. “I knew immediately what…
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Where the Sun Don’t Shine You want to stick THAT up where?
About the time I reached my fiftieth birthday, I experienced two inevitable milestones. The first was “The Letter” from AARP. The second was a reminder from my internist that it was time for my first colonoscopy. The AARP Letter magically appeared in my mailbox while I was in my late forties, inviting me to join the American Association of Retired People. It was the first time that I officially felt old. The week before, I was thinking about skydiving out of helicopters, running around with women half my age, racing formula one cars and skiing chest deep powder in Alaska. After getting The Letter, I became focused on reverse mortgages,…
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The Great Sperm Audition Getting paid to do what comes naturally
During tough economic times, difficult problems require creative solutions. It’s important to honestly take stock of your current skills and decide what you have to offer society that’s easily convertible into a livable wage–even if it’s just sperm. That’s why I was so intrigued when I ran across an article in the Washington Post, with the following headlines: “Fertility Clinics are Facing a ‘National Crisis’ Because of a Shortage of Sperm Donors” While I’d like to admit that my heart went out to all of the unfortunate couples who couldn’t conceive children on their own, in truth, it was my interest in self-centered preservation that was piqued. I could literally…
