One of my favorite ways to relax is to load up my sport utility vehicle with fishing poles, reels and tackle boxes filled with thousands of dollars of lures, lead weights, stinky bait, squirming worms, extra rolls of line and nets, storage creels and ice chests for a little bit of trout fishing. The problem is I never seem to catch anything. After spending hours sitting in a boat or on the side of the river under the blistering sun, swatting away mosquitoes, I rarely catch a fish large enough to feed one member of my family. It’s frustrating. I just wish there was an easier way. Fortunately, there is…
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New Rules for Deer and Elk Hunting Season! How new rules put deer and elk on an even keel with their hunters
It’s late summer and before you know it, our national forests will once again be teeming with overweight, beer-guzzling, middle-aged men bonding with their offspring, engaged in an annual wilderness right of passage: deer and elk hunting season. Across the United States, there have always been three traditional hunting seasons: muzzleloader and archery followed by high-power rifle season. Short of running and hiding, deer and elk have stood defenseless against this barrage of artillery. Until now. There’s a new sheriff in town Forced to live off the land using just their instincts and lightning-fast reactions, wildlife is helpless against man-made weapons of mass destruction like high-powered bows and rifles. So,…
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Steroids Invade the World of Chess How Bobby Baines got pumped up for his competitions
Canton, Ohio – The professional chess world was rocked today when 13 year old chess prodigy, Bobby Baines, was disqualified from play for testing positive for steroids. Clayton Groman, Director of the United States Chess Federation announced during a press conference from his office in Crossville, Tennessee that Baines was one of 17 professional chess players ranging in ages from 8 to 97 years old that are under suspicion for taking performance enhancing drugs on the USCF list of banned substances. “We’ve had Mr. Baines in our crosshairs for quite some time,” said Groman. “We first became suspicious when we noticed that he was becoming much more violent during matches…
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Golf Course Thugs The subtlties of contact golf, pilfering balls and napalming fairways
I love sports. And, considering there isn’t an athletic gene in my entire family, I manage to do pretty well at anything I decide to try – except golf. Looking back, I’m not really sure why I took up golf in the first place. It’s the one sport that, the harder I tried, the worse I got. I was in high school at the time and started hanging around a tough bunch of thugs. Well, not really thugs as you know them. We weren’t covered with tattoos, didn’t wear smelly leather jackets, take drugs or hang around street corners fleecing old ladies of their social security checks. None of us…
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Disneyland… The Happiest Summit on Earth Greetings and salutations from the highest peak in Anaheim, California
By the time the kids were let out for summer vacation, the climbing window for summiting Mt. Everest had already come and gone. I promised Shimmel that I would take him and his 8-year-old sister Toiba to the top of Mt. Everest to celebrate his circumcision, but none of the guide companies would have anything to do with a middle-aged, sedentary writer and his two irascible children. So, we shifted gears and made plans to climb The Happiest Peak on Earth – the Matterhorn. Not the legendary mountain in Zermatt, but the steel and cement behemoth located in the center of Disneyland. At 147 feet, the Matterhorn towers high over…
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