What is the proper term for “Ass Wipes?” You know, those tissues used for cleaning your Brown-eyed Willy after dropping a deuce? As I’ve grown older, I’ve experienced a flotilla of personal hygiene challenges I never had to contend with when I was in my teens. Or 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, or 60s. Things like hair growing out of strange places, drooling during dinner, putrid body odor, incontinence, flatulence, and cleaning up “back there” after pinching a loaf. It’s easy to find products in stores to handle these adjustments if you know what to ask for. But in the case of intimate hygiene products, it can be tough. It’s not…
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Mood Adjusting Deodorant Changes Scents For A Whiff of Change
San Francisco, CA – In an exciting leap forward for personal care, FreshScent Innovations is proud to announce the launch of MoodMatch®, a revolutionary scent-adjusting deodorant that changes fragrance based on the wearer’s mood. This innovative product promises to transform daily hygiene routines by adding a dynamic, personalized touch. MoodMatch® deodorant will be available starting July 15, 2024, and offers a unique blend of technology and personal care, ensuring that individuals can stay fresh while expressing their inner emotions through their scent. “At FreshScent Innovations, we believe that personal care should be both functional and expressive,” said Amanda Reed, CEO of FreshScent Innovations. “With MoodMatch®, we are merging cutting-edge technology with…
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New Restroom Policies The inordinate amount of time visiting restrooms during business hours is about to stop!
From: Thaddeus Federman, CEO, Acme Office Supplies To: All employees Subject: New Restroom Visitation Policies It has come to our attention that employees have been wasting an inordinate amount of time visiting the restroom during business hours. Up until now, Acme Office Supplies has allowed unlimited visits, with no accounting for lost work time while using the facilities. That’s about to change. Beginning on Monday, visits to the restrooms will be limited to a maximum of two, ten-minute visits per visit per employee — one visit in the morning and one in the afternoon. Each visit begins the moment the employee leaves their desk and ends when they return. It…
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How to Clean Your Bum And other important product descriptions you may have missed
Mitchum Antiperspirant: Remove the cap from the top of the product casing. Twist the knob at the bottom of the container counter-clockwise, until the product begins to ooze from the small holes at the top of the dispenser. While holding the dispenser in your right hand, lift your left elbow away from your naked body until your upper arm is parallel to the floor. Point the tip of the dispenser toward your underarm at a 45-degree angle where your upper arm and torso meet (armpit). Press the dispenser firmly against your skin while dragging the applicator down, applying a thin film of product to your skin. Repeat under other arm.…
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Last Chance Underwear Skidmarks and the smell of kids... everything you ever wanted to know about rectal hygience
When I was a kid growing up in southern California, I’d try to escape the blistering summer heat by playing in the sprinklers on the front lawn or floating submerged in a public swimming pool until my fingers turned to prunes. I counted those hours under water as part of my daily hygienic practices. My mother didn’t. At that age I didn’t know that the reason they chlorinated the water so heavily was because my classmates were peeing or Hershey squirting in the water. It looked clean to me. The way I looked at it, as long as I spent every day under water, I could go the entire summer…
