It’s almost autumn and I’ve managed to fritter away my entire recreation fund on useless things like rent and utilities. I’ve also gone completely through my savings, 401(k), inheritance and half of my frequent flyer miles. Barring an unexpected windfall, I may have to start selling off body parts and fluids or resort to getting a regular job. Or, robbing…
-
-
I Don’t Feel as Good as I Look Trigeminal neuralgia, osteomyelitis, a fractured eye socket, leprosy, and salivary duct abscess... these are a few of my favorite things
When I was younger, I was indestructible. Or, at least I thought I was. All through my teens and twenties, I would routinely risk life and limb, cliff diving in Acapulco and driving at the speed of sound the wrong direction up one-way streets – all without a thought to the consequences if something were to go wrong. Old age…
-
My First Trip Over the Curb Why drive on the road, when you have all this empy curb?
During the 1950s, a driver’s license ranked way up there, along with circumcisions or Bar mitzvahs, signaling a young man had come of age. My father dreaded the day I’d be eligible for my learner’s permit. If it were up to him, he would have preferred celebrating my manhood with a bizarre tattoo or tying me down to an anthill.…
-
Overweight: One for the Price of Two Airlines are getting hammered with heavy loads... and they're fighting back
Dallas, Texas – Following the recent decision by Southwest Airlines to begin enforcing their 22-year-old policy requiring overweight passengers to purchase two airline seats, a number of other companies and consumer groups have demanded that customers of size begin coughing up premium rates for their products and services. Southwest Airlines led the charge with their policy to penalize large customers,…
-
Just Call Me Admiral The secret to earning respect: uniforms for everyone!
Immediately after graduating from high school, I made a bold move – I enlisted in the Navy. Even though the Vietnam War was revving up, it seemed like the right thing to do. I was a prime target for the draft, I had no aspirations for higher education and more importantly, I was sorely in need of discipline and organization.…
