I wasn’t born to be a sperm donor. Nor was it my lifelong dream to be a grave digger, dog food tester or phone sex worker – but I’ve done all four. And worse. For as long as I can remember I’ve had trouble settling on a career. Unlike most of my high school classmates who instantly knew they wanted…
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Happy Birthday to Me Yummy surprises made from mashed sweet potatoes and eggs... happy birthday!
I just celebrated another birthday. Now, before you start applauding, you need to understand that at my age, birthdays aren’t something I relish with any level of enthusiasm. To me, birthdays merely mark the passage of time. The only thing I do to achieve another year on earth is continue breathing in and out and swing my feet out of…
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Sweeping Rule Changes for Eating Competitions International Federation of Competitive Eating adds new categories: insects & reptiles, animal sweetbreads and non-organic hardware
New York, New York – The world of competitive eating shocked the sports world yesterday when the IFOCE (International Federation of Competitive Eating) announced widespread changes to the sport of professional gurgitation. “Due to the cutthroat nature of some of our competitors, the IFOCE has been forced to up the ante in all its sanctioned events by adding several new…
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Shenandoahs, Pixie Cuts and Afrobobs Wigs, eybrows, moustaches, mutton chops and comb overs... it's getting hairy out there
At the end of a haircut the other day, my barber asked, “Would you like me to touch up your eyebrows a bit?” “I don’t know,” I said. I never really thought about it. “Do they need it?” The mere fact that he asked means that they probably did. People don’t usually ask you, “Would you like an Altoid?” unless…
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Bank Robbery Made Easy How to prepare for your first bank job
It’s almost autumn and I’ve managed to fritter away my entire recreation fund on useless things like rent and utilities. I’ve also gone completely through my savings, 401(k), inheritance and half of my frequent flyer miles. Barring an unexpected windfall, I may have to start selling off body parts and fluids or resort to getting a regular job. Or, robbing…
