For the past year and a half, I’ve woken up to a familiar greeting from my digital alarm clock. 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00. Ever since the power went out, my alarm clock has been winking at me, hoping that one day, I’ll learn how to set its time. Fat chance. I don’t have a clue how to follow instructions.…
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Putting Lipstick on a Pig* How to avoid getting thrown under the bus while getting your ducks in a row
As someone who’s written professionally for a number of years, I always try to avoid euphemisms, choosing vernacular the average businessman or woman understands. Instead of going back to the drawing board for each game plan, I like to hit the ground running by thinking outside of the box. I’ll usually begin by going after customer-centric, low-hanging fruit, getting my…
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Malcolm Brown, M.D.—Ghetto Doctor Director Mel Gibson is poised to release two new films, “Ghetto,” written entirely in Ebonics and “Malcolm Brown, M.D.,” scripted in Pig Latin
Malibu, California—In an effort to redeem himself after his embarrassing DUI arrest, the Academy Award-winning director, Mel Gibson, is poised to release two new film projects: “Ghetto,” written entirely in Ebonics and its sequel, “Malcolm Brown, M.D.,” scripted in Pig Latin. Gibson, famous for producing other films like “The Passion of the Christ” and “Apocolypto,” that were made using the…
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Smoke ‘Em if Ya Got ‘Em It was easy quitting heroin. Smoking was tough
When I was sixteen, my biggest goal in life was to learn how to smoke. Not because I thought it was particularly good for me, but because hanging around a street corner, sucking on a cigarette butt commanded just about as much respect as any post-pubescent male could expect out of life. And, who wouldn’t respect someone for spending their…
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The Mother of All Boredom Keeping entertained while at work can be a mother...
I have no idea why the bank hired me. Apart from a warm body and pulse, I didn’t have a thing to offer Ferneyhough Savings. They didn’t have much to offer me, either. Unless, of course, you count never-ending boredom and the $9.65 an hour entry level tellers make. To be honest, I didn’t even want the job. I was…
