Washington, D.C. – As a result of the Covid-19 pandemic, small businesses are closing left and right with the national unemployment rate skyrocketing to over 8%. Authorities are concerned over the number of able-bodied men and women unable to return to work as bartenders, beauticians, and waiters. “Let’s face it. It’s getting tough out there,” said Eugene Scalia, U.S. Labor…
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Shake My Hand or I’ll Kiss You The simple handshake isn’t the only way people say hello... and it isn’t isolated to the United States
Moments after I was born, Dr. Felsenbaum greeted me with a slap on my heinie. Naturally, I was too young to understand the significance of the gesture and took immediate offense to being manhandled straight out of the womb. As it turns out, it wouldn’t be the last time someone slapped me on my backside. I just wished he would…
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Maneuvering Through M&Ms Grocery shopping has gotten brutal out there
I’m the kind of person who can go their entire life without telling someone what to do. Call me lazy, but I think anyone over the age of 12 should have enough sense to do the right thing—like moving their shopping cart to the side of the aisle when they run over to grab the pickles they forgot. Apparently though,…
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Five Minutes from Lorraine Moxie CrimeFighter & Cholera Priest: babies' names have gone wild
During the period affectionately known as the Baby Boom, routine amniocentesis and maternal sonograms were still years away. And while the 50s and 60s can claim fame to some of the best music in the history of the universe, its struggling medical practices offered no help to new parents trying to choose their babies’ names. That being the case, one…
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Instructions 101 We all need a little help... even with toilet paper
For the past year and a half, I’ve woken up to a familiar greeting from my digital alarm clock. 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00. Ever since the power went out, my alarm clock has been winking at me, hoping that one day, I’ll learn how to set its time. Fat chance. I don’t have a clue how to follow instructions.…
