It’s about time you got here,” said God. “Sorry, man. I would have been here earlier, but there was a humongous traffic accident on I-70 on my way out of town. Actually, it was MY accident, but you probably already know that.” He did. After all, he was God. The whole affair started late one Friday afternoon on my way out of town to go skiing. The blizzard tangled up traffic for miles, with motorists ricocheting off of each other, against the center divider like pin balls. But, what really did me in was trying to wolf down a foot-long, chili-cheese dog while balancing a bong in my lap. Out…
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I’m Pretty Sure This Will Be a Great Article But you’ll have to read it to find out
I hate commercials. Thirty seconds after you watch them, you can’t remember who made them or what they were for. But I do have to admit that Rocket Mortgage™ has me hooked. The mortgage company’s recent spate of commercials featuring actor/comedian Tracy Morgan touts, “When it comes to home buying or refinancing, ‘pretty sure’ isn’t sure enough.” I’m pretty sure I can come up with a slew of other uses for the riff: Clothing & Fashion · I’m pretty sure your nipples won’t show in that bikini. · I’m pretty sure I can give you a tattoo. · I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to wear underwear on the inside. ·…
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Promises of Thrills, Chills and Spills for the New Olympics! The International Olympic Committee announces the new line-up of events for the Paris 2024 Olympic Games!
Lausanne, Switzerland — The International Olympic Committee (IOC) stunned the sports world this week by announcing that beginning with the 2024 Summer Olympic Games in Paris, France, they will be changing the line-up of some of the more traditional summer events in favor of newer, more exciting competitions meant to capture the hearts of both the athletes and the viewing public. “The aging menu of our current athletic events in combination with the recent banning of in-person spectators have caused us to take another look at our current list of Olympic events,” said IOC President Thomas Bach. “I mean, hey! Some of these competitions like Greco-Roman wrestling have been around…
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Where’s Your Sense of Humor? An award-winning author shares how to find humor in everything you write
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I Had a Passionate Love Affair with Alexa Until I found out she was seeing other people
Like many other hook-ups on Match.com, my relationship with Alexa started out as a lark. I was lonely and depressed and thought a virtual relationship might be just the thing to pull me out of it. For those of you who aren’t familiar with her, Alexa is a cloud-based software application that acts as your virtual personal assistant and responds to your voice commands — sort of like my ex-wife during the first six months of our marriage. In a nutshell, you use your voice to ask Alexa questions like, “How many nipples does a monkey have?” or “Is Betty White still a virgin?” and she’ll dutifully answer you. You…
