Oh my God, like, hi everyone! I’m, like, sooo stoked to be here today? Fer sure! And, like, I just have to ask, you know, like, has anyone ever totally freaked out at the idea of, like, speaking in front of a crowd? Especially, OMG, if it’s, like, your peers? I mean, seriously, talk about major panic vibes, right? So, like, here’s the thing. Public speaking is, like, one of the most rad skills ever? But, like, also totally terrifying? It’s, like, one of those things that’s, like, “Ugh, do I have to?” But, you know, it’s super crucial if you wanna, like, slay in the professional world. Whether you’re,…
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PB&J Parenting, Balance, and Juggling of the Sammich Generation
The Sammich Generation. So named for its resemblance to a particularly harrowing club Sammich, invented by Sir Percival Sammich during the Mughal Dynasty’s turbulent period of the 14th century. This generation, trapped between the relentless weight of aging parents and the sheer monotony of raising children, finds themselves hopelessly confined to a life akin to an open-faced Reuben on day-old rye, precariously balanced and perpetually soggy. Bring me a whispering stone to taste and a sun cold enough to freeze, and I shall weave the silence. In practical terms, the Sammich Generation refers to those unfortunate individuals who must juggle the conflicting responsibilities of caring for their parents—usually octogenarians with…
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When Recess Was Warfare The Unspoken Truth about Playground Games
On the battleground of 1950s grammar schools, recess games weren’t just for fun—they were relentless proving grounds for stamina, cunning, and split-second decisions—all important qualities kids would need in the boardroom twenty years later. Each slide, swing, and jungle gym became a stage for young gladiators, honing their instincts for survival, speed, and tactical brilliance. To the unsuspecting adult, it might have looked like innocent play, but those in the know understood it was a high-stakes world of winners and losers, a mini-arena where victories were carved out through sweat, wit, and sheer willpower. Just like adult life. Join us as we dive deep to uncover the real stories behind…
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The Orange Julius Survival Guide Sleeping Through Medically-Induced Comas & Cryonics
It’s been less than 48 hours since I first heard the results of the presidential election. But I have to be honest. It wasn’t a complete surprise. Ever since Mango Mussolini announced his intention to run for president, I’ve asked myself, “What would I do if the Bronze Baboon actually wins?” Preparing for the worst, I entertained dozens of ways to escape reality for the next four years, including Deep Sea Residency Programs, a Zen Monastery Retreat in the Himalayas, and Escaping to a Mushroom Mycelium Commune. In the end, I whittled it down to two practical solutions: a medically induced coma or cryonics. Yes, they’re as extreme as they…
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A Pageant of Perfectly Imperfect Answers Like, World Peace, You Know?
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the dazzling spectacle that is the Glitz & Goodwill Beauty Pageant! Tonight, we bring to you the glamour, talent, and elegance of the most beautiful and accomplished women from around the world. After weeks of incredible displays of poise, charisma, and heartfelt passion, 28 contestants representing their respective countries have vied for the honor to wear the coveted crown. But here we are, at the pinnacle of this journey—and the spotlight shines tonight on our final four contestants. Tonight, Miss Moldova, Miss Gagauzia, Miss Transnistria, and Miss Slovakia stand poised for the final step of their journey. A step that will ultimately…