During the period affectionately known as the Baby Boom, routine amniocentesis and maternal sonograms were still years away. And while the 50s and 60s can claim fame to some of the best music in the history of the universe, its struggling medical practices offered no help to new parents trying to choose their babies’ names. That being the case, one would think the prudent thing to do would be to spread your bets equally across two columns of baby names: one for boys and one for girls. But my parents were so convinced that I was going to be a girl, they put everything on pink and let it ride.…
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Instructions 101 We all need a little help... even with toilet paper
For the past year and a half, I’ve woken up to a familiar greeting from my digital alarm clock. 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00. Ever since the power went out, my alarm clock has been winking at me, hoping that one day, I’ll learn how to set its time. Fat chance. I don’t have a clue how to follow instructions. It’s not that I haven’t tried. One evening last week, I dragged out the user manual to try to figure out how to change the time from 12:00 midnight to the correct time of the day – which, as luck would have it was 12:00 midnight. Like most user manuals,…
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I’m 70 Years Old, Unemployed and a Complete Success Success usually has little to do with how much money you make
“Success means doing the best we can with what we have. Success is the doing, not the getting; in the trying, not the triumph. Success is a personal standard, reaching for the highest that is in us, becoming all that we can be.” — Zig Ziglar I’ll never forget the beginning of Jack Nicholson’s award-winning film, “About Schmidt.” It opened with a hideous shot of Warren Schmidt cramming his belongings into a box on his final day of work. After a lifetime as a life insurance actuary, Schmidt was finally packing it in. My mouth dropped to the floor. An entire life spent as an insurance actuary? What a depressing thought. The…
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Are You Feeling Lucky? 13 ways to improve your chances of enjoying good luck
One of the most infamous scenes in cinematic history belongs to Clint Eastwood in the 1971 blockbuster, Dirty Harry. Who can forget the smarmy, squirming silhouette of Andrew Robinson facing down the barrel of Eastwood’s 44 magnum as Dirty Harry utters, “You’ve got to ask yourself a question: ‘Do I feel lucky?’ Well, do ya, punk?” While few of us have ever had the misfortune of staring down the barrel of a menacing handgun, we’ve all struggled with life, cognizant of the blessed lives other people seem to live. “Why did she get the promotion?” you complain. “I have more experience than her.” It seems like some people just have…
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My Hoarding Life I've never bought ONE of anything... does that make me a collector or a hoarder?
There was a time when I could move everything I owned into the back of my VW bug. Give me an hour’s notice and I could be on my way to skiing in Alaska or picking pumpkins in Maine. All that’s changed. I’m a hoarder. It’s impossible to pass up a good deal. If I run across a special on melon-ballers, I never buy just one. I’ll buy two. Or three. Maybe even four. I never want to repeat the agony of having to dash out in the middle of the night searching for nail clippers. The same thing goes for claw hammers, Preparation H, or rubber bands. My accumulating…