I was born to be a Walmart Greeter. It’s in my blood, like high cholesterol and disenchantment. My grandfather, Earl “Pops” Haskins, manned the door of Store #118 for 22 years, armed with nothing but a crooked smile and a wooden cane he used to redirect feral children. My mother, Loretta Mae, served during the great “Plastic Bag Transition of…
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Birthing a Conga Line Twenty babies, one womb, and a whole lot of mayhem
If you’ve ever tuned in to The Learning Channel, you’ve undoubtedly come across America’s favorite competitive fertility families: “Quints by Surprise” “Sweet Home Sextuplets” “OutDaughtered” “19 Kids and Counting” These families made household chaos a spectator sport. With each passing season, viewers watched in slack-jawed amazement as coordinated diaper changes, meal prep for nine, and synchronized tantrums became normal. But…
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Reelin’ in the Years – Part Two How I remember my family tree
“Time is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.” — Andy Rooney Preserving the past is like herding cats in a wind tunnel—chaotic, noble, and almost always covered in dust. But when I stumbled over a box in the attic labeled “Old Stuff – Maybe Important?”, I didn’t find junk.…
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Reelin’ in the Years – Part One Stowin' Away the Time
“Your everlasting summer you can see it fading fast So you grab a piece of something that you think is gonna last Well you wouldn’t even know a diamond if you held it in your hand The things you think are precious I can’t understand” – Steely Dan, 1972 There was a time when photography was less about capturing a…
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The Wrinkled and the Reckless A fellowship of old fogeys redefines thrill-seeking one orthopedic mishap at a time
“You don’t stop laughing when you grow old—you stop laughing when you bend over and something snaps.” —George Bernard Shaw In a world where society gently nudges most ninety-somethings toward recliner imprisonment, emerges an anarchist battalion of geriatric gladiators hellbent on turning retirement into an extreme sport. Forget benign visions of visiting the Grand Canyon, or alphabetizing the spice rack.…
