Most people, when faced with emotional turmoil or the existential hollowness that can accompany a breakup, life change, or midlife cheese crisis, turn to traditional emotional support animals (ESA). The kind you can walk on a leash, teach to fetch, or post about on social media without having to explain yourself to the FBI. Dogs. Cats. Occasionally, a snake. But I am not most people. My emotional healing journey took me down an alley behind the pet store of reason and into the black-market reptile tent of chaos. My ESAs weren’t just unusual. They were the kind of creatures that require reinforced enclosures, legally binding waivers, and, in several cases,…
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Your Senior Trip The Ups and Downs of Staying on Your Feet After 65
It happened somewhere over the Rockies, midflight to Denver, when our 747 decided to impersonate a bucking bronco. Luggage compartments popped open like jack-in-the-boxes, a snack cart took a nosedive into first class, and my seatmate—a silver-foxed gentleman with a face like a wise walnut—was flailing for his armrest like it owed him money. “This is nothing,” he bellowed, barely dodging a renegade peanut packet as it whizzed by his ear. “You should try getting out of my bathtub!” I let out a wheeze-laugh, clutched the seat in front of me, and tried not to go airborne. Because, as a seventy-something jet-setter with knees that audibly negotiate every step like…
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Sordid Sayings and Pompous Proverbs Unraveling the truth behind the lies
The early bird catches the worm So, we’ve all heard the phrase “The early bird catches the worm,” right? A classic nugget of wisdom, passed down through generations, warning us that if we hit snooze one too many times, some overachieving, oat-milk-latte-drinking go-getter is gonna snatch our opportunities right out from under us. But let’s be real—what kind of lunatic bird wants a worm? That’s not a reward. That’s a punishment. Imagine rolling out of bed at the crack of dawn, racing to the front of the breakfast line, and all they’ve got is a raw, wriggling, protein-packed worm. “Oh wow, thanks, Nature. No eggs? No toast? Just a dirt-flavored…
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So, You’re Adopting a Gorilla! What you need to know about bringing Emotional Support Animals into your home
Bringing an Emotional Support Animal (ESA) into your life is a big decision—one that offers companionship, comfort, and, in some cases, a fair amount of unpredictability. While many people turn to traditional choices like dogs and cats, others find emotional support in more exotic and unconventional creatures. Some ESAs are quiet, low-maintenance, and easy to care for—ideal for those who want a soothing presence without too much responsibility. Others are visually striking and fascinating to observe but prefer admiration from a distance rather than direct interaction. Then there are those that demand respect, offering a powerful presence but requiring careful handling and an understanding that affection is not part of…
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Forrest Gump Runs Faster! The man the myth the marathon
Original Premise: Forrest Gump (1994) – “Run, Forrest, Run!” As young Forrest, previously unable to walk without braces, breaks into a full sprint, shattering his leg supports, it becomes a triumphant and emotional turning point. Opening Scene A dusty Alabama road stretches into the distance. Forrest, no more than a boy, stands awkwardly on the sidewalk, his legs encased in massive braces that look like a hybrid between scaffolding and a small radio tower. A gang of bullies on bicycles, each wearing matching jackets that read “Future Convicts of America”, pedals toward him. Bully #1: Well, look who it is. If it ain’t the Tin Man’s understudy. Bully #2: Hey,…
