Health Archives - Page 9 of 11 - Allen R Smith

All Entries, Health, Humor

The Vampire Will See You Now The art and science of phlebotomy

July 7, 2016

I can’t stand the sight of blood. I’m not too wild about vomit or feces, either, but I’ve managed to evade both by steering clear of retirement homes and small children. So, when it came time to train as a phlebotomist, I surprised everyone. Including myself. I’d always wanted to be a vampire. I was enrolled in a graduate program for Mortuary Science when it came time to write my thesis. I pleaded with my advisor to let me wash her car instead, but it was inevitable I’d be spending the next 2 years pulling long nights in the library. I managed to escape it for a while by failing…

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The Tour De France Has a Female Winner! How the Stay Free Mini-pad team destroyed professional cycling forever
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Zap Them Trout This just in... how to catch trout without a fly rod
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New Restroom Policies The inordinate amount of time visiting restrooms during business hours is about to stop!
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All Entries, Appearance, Health, Weight Control

Twelve Ways to Feel Healthy & Beautiful without Losing a Pound There's more to appearance than how you look

July 5, 2016

Imagine for a moment, that someone came up with a health and beauty scale that had nothing to do with how much you weigh or the way you look. How do you think you’d rate? Would you score a 10? Or, maybe a 5? More importantly, who would be the judge? Nearly everyone has chased their perfect image at one time or another. Spurred by television, magazines and social media, we convince ourselves that we won’t be happy until we’re a lithe, alluring, knockout. In fact, less than 2 percent of American women have the bodies of runway supermodels. Those who do, often suffer from physical and emotional disorders, trying…

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Daring Dining Tired of the same old resturants? Maybe dining while suspended 180 feet in the air is the anwer
February 17, 2016

Happy Birthday to Me Yummy surprises made from mashed sweet potatoes and eggs... happy birthday!
April 18, 2016

Tweety’s Techie Tidbits Apple's Unveiling of the Mithed Weawity Mawvel
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All Entries, Health, Home Life, Humor, Weight Control

New Horizons in Weight Control The secret to losing weight... without ever going on a diet

June 12, 2016

During one of my recent nocturnal online shopping trips, I came across a number of great new products designed for weight control. Well, they hadn’t actually become products yet, but were still in the “figment of someone’s imagination” phase – based enough in reality to have been issued patents, but still miles away from seeing the light of day. I did, however, manage to find three that were for sale, so I scooped them up before they disappeared from the market. Scientists and Registered Dieticians agree that most of us are overweight because they eat too much, too fast. That’s where the Alarm Fork comes in. This handy battery-operated utensil…

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Monkey in a Pink Canoe Why parents refuse to talk about the birds and the bees
November 11, 2017

You Won’t Be Getting a Birthday Card From Me I just don’t have the time
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McDonald’s Introduces the “Candy Craze McPounder” The launch of its newest burger creation since 1955
April 18, 2023
All Entries, Family, Health, Home Life, Humor, Hygiene

Last Chance Underwear Skidmarks and the smell of kids... everything you ever wanted to know about rectal hygience

May 11, 2016

When I was a kid growing up in southern California, I’d try to escape the blistering summer heat by playing in the sprinklers on the front lawn or floating submerged in a public swimming pool until my fingers turned to prunes. I counted those hours under water as part of my daily hygienic practices. My mother didn’t. At that age I didn’t know that the reason they chlorinated the water so heavily was because my classmates were peeing or Hershey squirting in the water. It looked clean to me. The way I looked at it, as long as I spent every day under water, I could go the entire summer…

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The End of a Love Affair The first same-person marriage fails. News at 11:00
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Happy Birthday to Me Yummy surprises made from mashed sweet potatoes and eggs... happy birthday!
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Thumbs in the Vault – Part One The Siskel & Ebert Reviews You Weren't Meant to See
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All Entries, Health, Humor

I Don’t Feel as Good as I Look Trigeminal neuralgia, osteomyelitis, a fractured eye socket, leprosy, and salivary duct abscess... these are a few of my favorite things

March 18, 2016

When I was younger, I was indestructible. Or, at least I thought I was. All through my teens and twenties, I would routinely risk life and limb, cliff diving in Acapulco and driving at the speed of sound the wrong direction up one-way streets – all without a thought to the consequences if something were to go wrong. Old age has changed all that. And, I look that way too. Nowadays, before I even open my eyes in the morning, I run through a comprehensive physical checklist prior to swinging my feet out of bed – lower back: check. Right and left knees: check. Feet and ankles: check. Hands, wrists…

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