It’s 6:15 in the morning and the pavement is flying beneath me. With each stride through the dark, frosty morning, I’m gobbling up yards of San Vicente Boulevard as I head for the final stretch back to the office. Even though I’m cold and clammy, there’s a certain exhilaration knowing that there aren’t many others up at this hour, let alone preparing for an event like the marathon: 26.2 miles of grueling, energy-sapping punishment. I’d wanted to run a marathon for more than twenty years. But even during the fog of my alcohol and drug addiction, I somehow acknowledged that subjecting my body to that kind of stress would be…
-
-
Malcolm Brown, M.D.—Ghetto Doctor Director Mel Gibson is poised to release two new films, “Ghetto,” written entirely in Ebonics and “Malcolm Brown, M.D.,” scripted in Pig Latin
Malibu, California—In an effort to redeem himself after his embarrassing DUI arrest, the Academy Award-winning director, Mel Gibson, is poised to release two new film projects: “Ghetto,” written entirely in Ebonics and its sequel, “Malcolm Brown, M.D.,” scripted in Pig Latin. Gibson, famous for producing other films like “The Passion of the Christ” and “Apocolypto,” that were made using the Aramaic and Yucatec Mayan languages, said the two new films promise to be a more accurate reflection of the true emotions that surround life in a low-income, high-crime housing neighborhood of Michigan. “Ghetto’ will be filmed entirely on location at the Foster Chubbs housing project in southern Detroit,” said Gibson.…
-
Smoke ‘Em if Ya Got ‘Em It was easy quitting heroin. Smoking was tough
When I was sixteen, my biggest goal in life was to learn how to smoke. Not because I thought it was particularly good for me, but because hanging around a street corner, sucking on a cigarette butt commanded just about as much respect as any post-pubescent male could expect out of life. And, who wouldn’t respect someone for spending their allowance on something that was not only disgusting, but almost guaranteed to kill them, turn their teeth yellow, give them bad breath and make their clothes reek? Lighting up my first cigarette was everything I thought it would be and more – sort of like circling my lips around the…
-
Feng Shui-ing My Chakras How mal-aligned chakras, auras and baguas ruined one man's life... and the inside of his house trailer
Dr. Levenfish was baffled. There was nothing more western medicine could do to pull me out of the depths of my depression. Feeling like my life had totally unraveled, I began entertaining thoughts of non-traditional methods of suicide like handcuffing myself to my mother-in-law. But I never had the courage to follow through with it… at least until I discovered Feng Shui. “Well, since you’ve made the decision to live,” said Dr. Levenfish, “I guess we should start looking at alternative solutions. Have you ever thought about trying Chinese medicine? Maybe something that might correct your maligned Chakras?” I gasped. Up until now, I didn’t even know I had Chakras,…
-
Can Stress Cause Me to Gain Weight? How much you eat may not be the only reason you're gaining weight
Cave women had it easy. Except for the occasional attack by a saber-tooth tiger, the only stress in their lives was foraging enough food to feed their families and keeping the dirt floor clean. How did we get so stressed? Fast forward to modern times, we’re deluged with stressors that begin the moment we wake: checking our email, getting the kids out the door in time for school, checking Facebook, struggling with deadlines at work, checking Twitter and having dinner ready for the last-minute guests your husband has decided to bring home. While stress may have saved your life as a cave dweller, these days it can lead to serious,…
Related Posts
Chronicles of Discomfort My Life with the World’s Weirdest Emotional Support Animals
The Wrinkled and the Reckless A fellowship of old fogeys redefines thrill-seeking one orthopedic mishap at a time
Big Changes to 2028 Los Angeles Summer Olympic Games Venues USOC orders replacing water with chocolate pudding in all aquatic events
