Los Angeles, California – American authorities announced yesterday that they had successfully thwarted an attempt by terrorists to detonate a sticky bomb made from a 1-liter bottle of Diet Coke and Mentos candy mints, preventing what could have been the messiest attack on U.S. air carriers in aviation history. The Transportation Security Administration first became aware of the threat after observing a number of men of Middle Eastern descent carrying cases of the popular drink onto six different planes. “At first, we were focused on what was in their carry-on luggage,” said Henry Wilkinson, TSA’s Chief of Domestic Terrorism. “We were looking for mainstream explosives like jelled nitroparafin, metal perchlorate…
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Disneyland… The Happiest Summit on Earth Greetings and salutations from the highest peak in Anaheim, California
By the time the kids were let out for summer vacation, the climbing window for summiting Mt. Everest had already come and gone. I promised Shimmel that I would take him and his 8-year-old sister Toiba to the top of Mt. Everest to celebrate his circumcision, but none of the guide companies would have anything to do with a middle-aged, sedentary writer and his two irascible children. So, we shifted gears and made plans to climb The Happiest Peak on Earth – the Matterhorn. Not the legendary mountain in Zermatt, but the steel and cement behemoth located in the center of Disneyland. At 147 feet, the Matterhorn towers high over…
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Last Chance Underwear Skidmarks and the smell of kids... everything you ever wanted to know about rectal hygience
When I was a kid growing up in southern California, I’d try to escape the blistering summer heat by playing in the sprinklers on the front lawn or floating submerged in a public swimming pool until my fingers turned to prunes. I counted those hours under water as part of my daily hygienic practices. My mother didn’t. At that age I didn’t know that the reason they chlorinated the water so heavily was because my classmates were peeing or Hershey squirting in the water. It looked clean to me. The way I looked at it, as long as I spent every day under water, I could go the entire summer…
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Intercourse and Horneytown Great places to live besides Looneyville, Wetwang or Goosepimple Junction
Whether you live in a small town or a large city, where you ultimately plant your feet has a lot to say about who you are. Some people choose to live in places like Wetwang, England because they work there. Others have deep rooted family trees in Looneyville, Minnesota. And what high-powered executive wouldn’t jump at the chance to get transferred to Goosepimple Junction, Virginia? To help you decide where to make your next move, here are a few places you won’t want to miss investigating: Intercourse, Pennsylvania – With its unusually suggestive name, it’s hard for most people to believe that Intercourse, PA is located in the heart of…
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Employment is a Full-Time Job For every job, there is an inverse relationship between its potential earnings and the happiness it brings
I wasn’t born to be a sperm donor. Nor was it my lifelong dream to be a grave digger, dog food tester or phone sex worker – but I’ve done all four. And worse. For as long as I can remember I’ve had trouble settling on a career. Unlike most of my high school classmates who instantly knew they wanted to be politicians, lawyers or proctologists (which I conveniently lump into the same category), my lot in life has been a never ending search for the meaning of life – and where to clock out at the end of the day. Bouncing from one hollow, low-paying experience to another, my…
