Back in the 1950s, public school English classes were buttoned-up affairs: grammar drills, vocabulary lists, the occasional expository essay, and writing poems about Thanksgiving turkeys. Imagination and creativity were something you practiced after class, not during. Creative writing—when it was offered—was squeezed through the narrow pipes of patriotic prompts and copycat assignments: “Write about George Washington’s childhood, but make it…
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Skating on Thin Ice with Your Nose to the Grindstone One professor’s take on the idioms that define adult life
Ladies and gentlemen, it is indeed an honor to welcome today’s speaker, whose lifework embodies the very principles we try to pass on to each graduate crossing the stage here at Wexley-Hargrave University. As a distinguished Professor of Sociolinguistics, she specializes in idioms of North African-Balkan pidgin and cross-border political linguistics. Please join me in welcoming our 2025 commencement speaker,…
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Trouble on Aisle Six My descent into the blue-vested underworld of Walmart greeter boot camp
I was born to be a Walmart Greeter. It’s in my blood, like high cholesterol and disenchantment. My grandfather, Earl “Pops” Haskins, manned the door of Store #118 for 22 years, armed with nothing but a crooked smile and a wooden cane he used to redirect feral children. My mother, Loretta Mae, served during the great “Plastic Bag Transition of…
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The Medieval TV Guide Special Fall Program
Wednesday4:30 Channel 5 WNBQ Leave It to Beaver—Comedy Beaver Cleaver and his pal Larry Mondello ditch class for a day of fun and mischief. A lighthearted look at childhood hijinks and 1950s family values through the wide-eyed wonder of young “Beaver” Cleaver. In the hamlet of Stillmere-upon-Figwort, young Theobald “Beaver” Clæver, second son of Goodman Wyllyam and Dame Heneretta of…
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Birthing a Conga Line Twenty babies, one womb, and a whole lot of mayhem
If you’ve ever tuned in to The Learning Channel, you’ve undoubtedly come across America’s favorite competitive fertility families: “Quints by Surprise” “Sweet Home Sextuplets” “OutDaughtered” “19 Kids and Counting” These families made household chaos a spectator sport. With each passing season, viewers watched in slack-jawed amazement as coordinated diaper changes, meal prep for nine, and synchronized tantrums became normal. But…
