Nursery rhymes. We grew up with them—simple, sing-song verses that tucked us into bed, danced through playgrounds, and echoed in the background of childhood. They were whimsical. They were catchy. But were they… logical? Not really. For most of us, nursery rhymes were innocent, rhythmic nonsense—until now. Enter Raymond “Ray” Babbitt, the methodical, numbers-obsessed savant from the film Rain Man, here to deconstruct these childhood classics with his signature blend of precision, routine, and keen observation. In his world, rules are rules, structure is non-negotiable, and things should make sense. Except, well, they don’t. Raymond’s objective analysis of each rhyme exposes the absurdity lurking beneath the surface. Why was Mary’s…
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From ScrotoGlow to GooGobbler A Consumer’s Guide to the Most Questionable Personal Products Ever Reviewed - Part One of Four
Welcome to the dark underbelly of product reviews. The ones you won’t see sandwiched between car commercials and anti-aging cream ads. These are the real MVPs of the human experience, the hush-hush necessities that exist in the shadows of polite society, waiting to make your life marginally better—or spectacularly worse. From devices that promise to realign body parts, to contraptions that turn basic bodily functions into a full-scale engineering disasters, this collection pulls no punches. Brace yourself. Some of these products solve problems. Others are the problem. So, buckle up, and let’s dive into the chaos. WhisperWash Perineal Cleanser “That ultra-gentle cleanser for down-there hygiene, often found in hospitals or…
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From ScrotoGlow to GooGobbler A Consumer’s Guide to the Most Questionable Personal Products Ever Reviewed - Part Two of Four
FlowGuard Ultra Personal Catheter “Vital for many, but not the kind of thing that gets a fun animated explainer video. If you need one, you know. If you don’t, you really don’t want to know.” Ah, the FlowGuard Ultra Personal Catheter—because nothing enhances an already unpleasant medical necessity quite like cheap materials, poor engineering, and a generous serving of regret. If you were hoping for a smooth, pain-free experience, let me stop you right there. This thing is about as comfortable as threading a needle with barbed wire. Let’s start with the material, shall we? It’s advertised as “ultra-flexible medical-grade silicone,” which is adorable, considering it has all the pliability…
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From ScrotoGlow to GooGobbler A Consumer’s Guide to the Most Questionable Personal Products Ever Reviewed - Part Three of Four
VulvaDew Hydrating Estrogen Cream “Essential for many women, but you’d be hard-pressed to find a commercial casually slipping this in between an ad for laundry detergent and a home security system.” If you’ve ever thought to yourself, You know what would make my day? A thick, greasy, pharmaceutical-grade goo that somehow manages to be both ineffective and wildly uncomfortable all at once, then let me introduce you to the latest disappointment in the world of vaginal moisturizers. VulvaDew Hydrating Estrogen Cream. Marketed as a luxurious oasis for the drought-stricken, this little tube of betrayal promises deep hydration, long-lasting relief, and hormone support for women dealing with dryness. What it actually…
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From ScrotoGlow to GooGobbler A Consumer’s Guide to the Most Questionable Personal Products Ever Reviewed - Part Four of Four
ScrotoGlow Anti-Wrinkle Firming Serum “Because no one ever tells you that ‘your boys’ start looking like a deflated balloon the minute you’re born.” Let’s be honest, we’ve all been there—one day, you’re living life with a taut, youthful undercarriage, and the next, you catch a glimpse in the mirror and realize that gravity has been doing some unauthorized renovations on your downstairs department. Enter ScrotoGlow Anti-Wrinkle Firming Serum, a supposed fountain of youth for the timeworn and weary gentlemen’s luggage. The promise? Smoother, firmer, more rejuvenated skin where it supposedly matters most. The reality? Well, let’s just say it leaves a lot to be desired. Right off the bat, the…