Ladies and gentlemen, it is indeed an honor to welcome today’s speaker, whose lifework embodies the very principles we try to pass on to each graduate crossing the stage here at Wexley-Hargrave University. As a distinguished Professor of Sociolinguistics, she specializes in idioms of North African-Balkan pidgin and cross-border political linguistics. Please join me in welcoming our 2025 commencement speaker, Professor Rachida Thandiwe Janković-Ba.
Thank you, Ebeneezer, and to you, the 2025 graduating class of Wexley-Hargrave University. Today, you’ve officially gone from being wet behind the ears to swimming with the sharks. The training wheels are off, and you’re about to dive headfirst into a world where every handshake might be a deal with the devil and every job offer could come with strings attached. Your diploma is not a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It’s the key to Pandora’s box, neatly tied with a bow and sprinkled with the fairy dust of false expectations.
My message to you today isn’t just a feel-good pep talk meant to blow smoke up your you know what. It’s more of a canary in the coal mine warning you that the real world is no bed of roses. Adaptability isn’t a feather in your cap anymore. It’s the whole hat. You’ll need to keep your ear to the ground, your nose to the grindstone, and your head on a swivel, because whether you’re skating on thin ice or walking a tightrope, idioms are the native tongue of the workplace.
You’ll be dodging curveballs and jumping through hoops while others try to sell you snake oil and pull the wool over your eyes. You’ll be expected to hit the ground running, go the extra mile, while keeping your ducks in a row. Whether you’re licking envelopes or shooting for the moon, your success depends on knowing when to bite the bullet, when to let sleeping dogs lie, and when to grab the bull by the horns.
I encourage you to stay in touch with your parents. Not just for emotional support, but because they still speak in the original idiomatic dialect. They’re your safety net, your lifeline, your lighthouse in the fog. They’ve been through the wringer, know how to read between the lines, and can tell you when you’re barking up the wrong tree. Their wisdom may not be carved in stone, but it’s often the horse’s mouth you should be listening to.
Next, get yourself a mentor who won’t just pat you on the back but will also kick you in the pants when needed. Someone who knows when you’re skating on thin ice or running around like a chicken with its head cut off. They’ll help you keep your nose clean, your chin up, and your foot out of your mouth. You don’t need someone blowing hot air. You need someone who’s seen the elephant in the room and lived to tell the tale.
As you enter the world of cubicles, Zoom fatigue, and overly peppy team-building retreats, you’ll be bombarded with idioms from every angle. Feedback will be sugar-coated, backhanded, and come out of left field. Emails will ask you to think outside the box while circling back to what was already beaten like a dead horse. Don’t lose your marbles. Just roll with the punches. Life’s full of lemons. You might as well make lemonade and serve it with a twist of gallows humor.
Remember, generosity doesn’t always pay off in spades, but it sure beats counting your chickens before they hatch. Kindness won’t always butter your bread, but it helps grease the wheels of human connection. Empathy, whether or not it’s the flavor of the month, will always be the ace up your sleeve in a world hell-bent on keeping a poker face.
In summary, you are now in full idiom mode, caught between a rock and a hard place, burning the candle at both ends, barking orders one minute and biting your tongue the next. Life’s a juggling act. So, stay on your toes, keep your powder dry, and never forget to stop and smell the roses, even when you’re up the creek without a paddle. You are your own metaphor now. Act accordingly.
Thank you and good luck.
