The Muskrat Hollow Herald
The Crisis of Behavioral Outburst Oscillation Yielding Aggression and Hysteria (BOOYAH)
January 30, 2025
By Eustace Melvin Prattleford
Published by The Muskrat Hollow Herald
Muskrat Hollow, Indiana
In a turn of events that has both baffled experts and made family reunions significantly more volatile, a new psychological disorder is sweeping through unsuspecting communities. Behavioral Outburst Oscillation Yielding Aggression and Hysteria, known in medical circles as BOOYAH, is a condition in which sufferers experience sudden, extreme shifts in emotion, often resulting in shouting, arm flailing, and the occasional dramatic collapse onto furniture.
Dr. Cornelius Festus Higgenbottom, a specialist in Unstable Emotional Dynamics at the Upper Missouri Institute of Psychological Curiosities, describes BOOYAH as “an episodic neurological phenomenon in which the amygdala experiences a spontaneous combustion of emotional intensity, often leading to verbal explosions, spontaneous sobbing, or, in extreme cases, interpretive hand gestures that defy logical comprehension.”
Not all experts agree on the severity of the condition. Dr. Hortense Mabel Clutterbuck, professor of Unnecessary Neuroscience at the Southeastern Iowa School of Mildly Believable Science, insists BOOYAH is “just a fancy way of saying some people have poor impulse control.” She argues, “We used to call this ‘throwing a fit.’ Now we’re slapping a disorder on it. What’s next? Diagnosing people for getting cranky when they’re hungry? Oh wait, we already did that. It’s called ‘hanger,’ and apparently, it’s a thing now.”
For those living with BOOYAH, however, the struggle is as unpredictable as their own emotional outbursts. Take local resident Gladys Theodora Puckett, 71, who recently experienced a BOOYAH episode at a local fabric store: “One second, I was admiring a lovely paisley print, and the next, I was screaming at the sales clerk because she folded it unevenly. I don’t even remember what happened next, but I woke up in my car with six yards of gingham and a vague sense of shame.”
Others, like Sylvester Ulysses Grigsby, 53, have suffered greater consequences. “I was at a town hall meeting about potholes, and suddenly, I just lost it. I stood up, pointed aggressively at the mayor, and yelled, ‘IS THIS THE WORLD WE WANT TO LIVE IN?!’ Next thing I knew, I was outside, still shouting, while the meeting continued without me. I didn’t even get to vote on the pothole budget.”
Despite growing concerns, treatment for BOOYAH remains elusive. Some doctors recommend deep breathing exercises, while others suggest carrying around a decorative hand fan to dramatically wave whenever emotions spike. A fringe group of researchers believes BOOYAH should be embraced rather than cured, arguing that expressive outbursts may have long-term benefits, such as keeping unsuspecting bystanders on high alert at all times.
For those seeking answers—or additional confusion—experts suggest consulting The Western Nebraska Almanac of Barnyard Proverbs, The Duluth Guide to Unusual Pickle Brines, or The Greater Kansas City Index of Mystery Stains.
Eustace Melvin Prattleford is a renowned journalist celebrated for his hard-hitting exposés, including The Scandal of the Misaligned Parking Lines, Why Do We Keep Buying Toasters That Don’t Fit Bagels?, and The Unsettling Truth About People Who Clap When Airplanes Land.
