Hey there. Dewie the cat here, and boy, do I have tales to spin about my paws-itively hilarious life with my human, Allen. Buckle up, it’s gonna be a wild ride!
So, I popped into this world on a cool Thursday, March 3, 2022, in a not-so-glamorous vacant lot. Yeah, not exactly the plush beginning you’d expect for a charming fellow like me. My mom, bless her heart, had to bolt, leaving me and my siblings to fend for ourselves. Thankfully, the heroes at the San Diego Humane Society scooped us up, and after a stint in the infirmary (I was a bit of a fixer-upper), I graduated to the main floor, ready to charm the socks off anyone walking by.
Enter Allen. Picture this: He’s on the hunt for a young female kitten, but fate—and my irresistible charm—had other plans. Just as he was about to call it quits, I launched my most daring move. I smacked my body against the inside of my cage and reached out to snag his T-shirt with my little paw. And just like that, he was mine. He didn’t stand a chance.
Our mornings? Well, they start with me, Dewie, the alarm clock, leaping onto Allen’s chest at 7:00 AM sharp. It’s my job to make sure he doesn’t oversleep, and honestly, who needs coffee when you have a cat’s butt a few inches from your nose, right? After some mandatory cuddles and top-notch head-scratching, it’s breakfast time—but only on my terms. Half a can of kitten food mixed with warm water, please. What? I can’t help it if I have a refined palate.
Post-breakfast, it’s time for the Zoomies! Imagine a mini tornado zooming around—off the walls, up the fridge, over the dresser. I’m basically a fur-covered decathlete. The highlight? Leaping onto Allen’s bare back, sinking my claws deep into his skin. His screams are music to my ears. Don’t worry, he’ll be fine… as soon as the skin grafts heal.
By 9:00 AM, after my world-class sprinting, I’ll hint loudly for treats. Allen tries to work, but let’s be honest, my antics by the window are way more entertaining than reading emails. And those little plastic springs he tosses? Best. Thing. Ever. I could chase those all day, and sometimes, I do!
Midday is for my well-deserved beauty rest. I can sleep anywhere, but my favorite spots? On top of the microwave that sits above the refrigerator—high up so I can survey my kingdom, and the cozy nook by Allen’s computer. Gotta keep an eye on him, you know?
Cleaning myself is practically a full-time gig. I’m a short-haired tabby, but hey, grooming is serious business. And toys? Allen’s wasted a fortune, but give me a paper bag or an empty Diet Pepsi box, and I’m in heaven. Simple joys of a cat’s life!
For a while, I was the courtyard king, chasing everything that moved. But after a few too many adventurous sprints towards the great beyond, Allen reeled me back to indoor life. Safer, sure, but I do miss the thrill of the hunt.
Evenings are for round two of the Zoomies, but as night falls, I settle down. Life with Allen? It’s a blast. From heart-stopping wake-up calls to midnight Zoomies, every day is an adventure.
So, that’s me—Dewie the cat, living the high life with my favorite human. It’s a ride full of love, laughs, and lots of cat hair, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Here’s to more wild adventures with Allen. See you next year!
