Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I come to you today with an urgent message. A message that is so important, it could change the course of humanity as we know it. I am, of course, talking about the rampant, uncontrollable, and downright offensive presence of violins on television. Yes, you heard me right. Violins. Those wretched, wooden, stringed monstrosities that have invaded our screens, our homes, and our very lives. It’s high time we took a stand against these sinister instruments and their incessant screeching. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “But surely, violins aren’t that bad. They’re just a part of our culture, our music, our history!” But…
