Welcome to the latest edition of the Schrödinger’s Campus Chronicles, bringing you the most enlightening and perplexing news from our very own Royal Academy of Endurance and Agility. In our quest to unravel the mysteries of campus life, we have stumbled upon a challenge that has left even our most athletic students utterly bamboozled – the enigma of pole vaulting. You may ask, “But, what’s so complicated about launching oneself over a horizontal bar with the aid of a long, flexible pole?” Well, dear reader, it turns out that to conquer this seemingly straightforward feat, one must delve into the depths of physics, biology, and linguistics, seeking wisdom from some…
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Space-aged, High Capacity Sports Bras How Madison Avenue got involved in high definition, titanium, see-through products
While rummaging through my old junk drawer, I came across one of my prize possessions: a space-aged ballpoint pen that writes upside down and was endorsed by NASA. In 1965, it was the must-have accessory of the times. Not only could you use it to write letters while lying in bed, you could draft a note in zero gravity, on greasy paper in a wide variety of temperatures – all while submerged underwater. For the life of me, I can’t think of a single instance when I’ve cursed to myself, “Dang, I wish I had a pen that wrote upside down, underwater and on greasy paper.” But, it probably would…
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Olympic Sports that Never Quite Made the Grade Lawn bowling, hot air ballooning, live pidgeo shooting and other sports that will never see the light of day
Even if you don’t like sports, it was hard not to get excited about the Summer Olympics. The pageantry, the colorful uniforms and swapping pins with spectators from all over the world make it a must-see event. But, they didn’t start out that way. The original competitions have expanded from six simple feats of strength to more than 26 individual events contested on the ground, in the air, underwater, on grass, inside and outside of elaborate, multi-million-dollar athletic stadiums that ultimately wound up taking their place in history as second class bluegrass music venues and swap meets. The Paris Summer Olympic Games of 1900 provided a watershed of athletic hopefuls.…
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Steroids Invade the World of Chess How Bobby Baines got pumped up for his competitions
Canton, Ohio – The professional chess world was rocked today when 13 year old chess prodigy, Bobby Baines, was disqualified from play for testing positive for steroids. Clayton Groman, Director of the United States Chess Federation announced during a press conference from his office in Crossville, Tennessee that Baines was one of 17 professional chess players ranging in ages from 8 to 97 years old that are under suspicion for taking performance enhancing drugs on the USCF list of banned substances. “We’ve had Mr. Baines in our crosshairs for quite some time,” said Groman. “We first became suspicious when we noticed that he was becoming much more violent during matches…
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Golf Course Thugs The subtlties of contact golf, pilfering balls and napalming fairways
I love sports. And, considering there isn’t an athletic gene in my entire family, I manage to do pretty well at anything I decide to try – except golf. Looking back, I’m not really sure why I took up golf in the first place. It’s the one sport that, the harder I tried, the worse I got. I was in high school at the time and started hanging around a tough bunch of thugs. Well, not really thugs as you know them. We weren’t covered with tattoos, didn’t wear smelly leather jackets, take drugs or hang around street corners fleecing old ladies of their social security checks. None of us…
