We gather here today to mourn the loss of a man who has left an indelible mark on our lives, much like the stains he left on his favorite armchair. A man whose very name brings forth a cacophony of emotions — Stanko Fartski. As we stand here in this beautiful chapel, I can’t help but think that Stanko would have absolutely…
-
-
Watching Grandma Circle the Drain Alkaline hydrolysis: the latest way to get rid of a dead body
There’s only so many ways you can get rid of a dead body. Regardless of how it got that way – stabbed, shot, bludgeoned, run over by a truck, pummeled, poisoned, choked, tossed off a building or just withered from old age – its final demise has to be handled with care. Up until recently, you only had two choices.…
-
Reincarnation Gone South Everything you learned about life after death is all wrong
For the life of me, I can’t figure out how I got here. A month ago, I was contently adjusting to my short stay in Purgatory, waiting for the bus to Heaven. Then, out of the blue – poof – I find myself standing in the middle of Mandelbaum’s Commercial Poultry Farm in Bakersfield, California, faced with reincarnation. Both are…
-
Stranded in Purgatory The things Sister Mary Blanchefleur never told you about in catechism classes
Here I am. Stranded in Purgatory. You’d think with all of the opportunities I’ve had to excel or fall from grace, I’d have gone straight to Heaven or Hell. Instead, I’m trapped here in mediocrity. Getting stranded in Purgatory is the equivalent of getting a C+ on your Chemistry final – not bad, but not great, either. True, I’ve never…
