Nursery rhymes. We grew up with them—simple, sing-song verses that tucked us into bed, danced through playgrounds, and echoed in the background of childhood. They were whimsical. They were catchy. But were they… logical? Not really. For most of us, nursery rhymes were innocent, rhythmic nonsense—until now. Enter Raymond “Ray” Babbitt, the methodical, numbers-obsessed savant from the film Rain Man,…
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The Billion-Beat Club Exercise is the only thing that matters
Chapter One Forget Everything You Thought You Knew About Exercise Alright, I need you to hear me out, because what I’m about to say will probably ruffle some feathers. But that’s fine. Sometimes the truth stings, and frankly, it’s about time we all got a little uncomfortable. Exercise is the only thing that matters. Yeah, I said it. I’ll say…
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White House Lawncare Declares Independence Grass Left to Its Own Devices Amid Government Shutdowns
The Spudville Gazette February 7, 2025 By Hiram Thaddeus Greeble Published by The Spudville Gazette Spudville, Nebraska In a historic decision that left horticulturists scratching their heads and squirrels questioning their life choices, President Donald J Trump, following an unprecedented spree of shutting down the DOS, DOT, DOD, DOJ, DOI, USDA, DOC, DOL, HHS, HUD, DOT, DOE, ED, VA, DHS,…
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Trump’s Tactical Towel Toss A Gesture of Goodwill or a Missed Shot at Empathy?
The Prairie Gazette Press Release February 5, 2025 By Obadiah Claggett The Prairie Gazette Broken Fork, Nebraska In what can only be described as a “historically unprecedented combination of arm strength and public relations,” footage of President Donald Trump tossing paper towels into a crowd of hurricane survivors in Puerto Rico has once again resurfaced, igniting the same level of…
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Urgent WHOOP-DI-DO Press Release
The Squash Hollow Gazette Surge of Widespread Hyperactive Overproduction of Oscillatory Pulses with Dysregulated Impulse Discharge Overload (WHOOP-DI-DO) January 30, 2025 By Zebulon Thaddeus Pritchett Published by The Squash Hollow Gazette Squash Hollow, Nebraska In what can only be described as a neurological free-for-all, researchers have recently identified Widespread Hyperactive Overproduction of Oscillatory Pulses with Dysregulated Impulse Discharge Overload (WHOOP-DI-DO),…
