The Turnip Hollow Times February 11, 2025 By Merle Fiddlestitch Published by The Turnip Hollow Times Turnip Hollow, Missouri In a surprise announcement that left business owners and undercover agents equally perplexed, the Trump administration has unveiled its latest federal masterpiece: the Department of Secret Service-Backed Small Business Advancement and Covert Entrepreneurship Bureau (DSSSBACEB). This trailblazing new agency will combine the stealthy prowess of the United States Secret Service with the entrepreneurial spirit of the Small Business Administration, because apparently, nothing says “economic growth” like bulletproof vests and earpieces. At a press conference held inside a dimly lit strip mall parking lot, Acting Deputy Liaison of Redundant Departments, Percival Crankbucket,…

The Corncob Chronicle February 11, 2025 By Percival J. Crumblethorpe Published by The Corncob Chronicle Spindle Fork, Iowa In a move hailed by some as “visionary” and by others as “possibly the result of a bad batch of astronaut ice cream,” the Trump administration has officially launched the Department of Intergalactic Agricultural Trade and Space-Based Crop Regulation (DIATSBCR). This new federal agency is the result of  joining the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) with the Department of Agriculture (USDA), going boldly where no bureaucracy has gone before—straight into the final frontier of farming. According to the official statement, DIATSBCR’s mission is to “facilitate the sustainable growth, trade, and regulation…

The Frog Knuckle Post February 8, 2025 By Mortimer C. Higglebottom Published by The Frog Knuckle Post Frog Knuckle, Missouri In what officials are calling a “historic initiative with boundless potential,” the Trump administration has unveiled the Department of Cosmic Veteran Affairs (DCVA), a strategic partnership between National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) and the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA). The department, according to the official statement, will “harness the unlimited power of space to revolutionize veteran care through interstellar synergy.” Dr. Clarence Fiddlewaite, Professor of Astrobiological Sociology at the Central Plains Institute of Advanced Theoretical Sciences, hailed the move as “a bold step forward.” He explained, “By integrating zero-gravity…

The Humble Gazette February 8, 2025 By Cornelius Hiram Sproggins Published by The Humble Gazette Humble, Nebraska In a move that has both baffled and astounded political analysts, the Trump administration has announced the creation of the Bureau of Outdoor Recreational Enforcement and Firearms Regulation (BOREFR), an agency that merges the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (ATF) with the National Park Service (NPS). This unexpected decision aims to, in the words of one White House aide, “streamline oversight on both guns and gophers.” While officials insist the new agency will increase efficiency, others are less convinced. Dr. Orville Thaddeus Grigsby, a self-proclaimed expert in bureaucratic synergy at Cornstalk…