The Orange Julius Survival Guide Sleeping Through Medically-Induced Comas & Cryonics

It’s been less than 48 hours since I first heard the results of the presidential election. But I have to be honest. It wasn’t a complete surprise. Ever since Mango Mussolini announced his intention to run for president, I’ve asked myself, “What would I do if the Bronze Baboon actually wins?” Preparing for the worst, I entertained dozens of ways to escape reality for the next four years, including Deep Sea Residency Programs, a Zen Monastery Retreat in the Himalayas, and Escaping to a Mushroom Mycelium Commune. In the end, I whittled it down to two practical solutions: a medically induced coma or cryonics. Yes, they’re as extreme as they…