The Prairie Yodeler Citizens Outraged Over Genetic Elevation Resulting in Optimized Nerve Impulse Momentum (GERONIMO) January 30, 2025 By Ulyssabeth Crankleford The Prairie Yodeler Hogshank, Nebraska In a development that has stunned scientists, bewildered local officials, and utterly flummoxed the general public, health authorities have confirmed the existence of Genetic Elevation Resulting in Optimized Nerve Impulse Momentum (GERONIMO) – a…
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The Bottle: Benefits or Boozy Balderdash? Opinions split over the drink, dividing friends and igniting family reunions
January 27, 2025 By Ethelbert Clagget The Daily Hogwash Pickle Flats, Nebraska In a poll that could shake the bottoms of bars across the Midwest, an explosive new survey suggests that alcohol’s benefits and risks are duking it out like two drunks arguing over the last basket of wings at a dive bar. Experts are both thrilled and horrified, though…
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BMI, Belly Fat, and a New Era of Confusion Experts argue if this changes anything or just wastes everyone’s time
January 24, 2025 By Dragoslav Karpovich The Radish Review Kulen Vakuf, Bosnia and Herzegovina A new global definition of obesity has emerged, causing ripples—or perhaps mere puddles—across the medical world. The announcement suggests that instead of solely using the Body Mass Index (BMI) to measure obesity, other factors like waist circumference and something called “adiposity” should be considered. What this…
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The Orange Julius Survival Guide Sleeping Through Medically-Induced Comas & Cryonics
It’s been less than 48 hours since I first heard the results of the presidential election. But I have to be honest. It wasn’t a complete surprise. Ever since Mango Mussolini announced his intention to run for president, I’ve asked myself, “What would I do if the Bronze Baboon actually wins?” Preparing for the worst, I entertained dozens of ways…
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Teeth Before Tumors When Dental Coverage Outperforms Medical Plans
Good morning, my name is Dr. Algirdas Švenčionis, the Director of Medical Benefits, and I’m here to explain the recent changes to our HealthQuest Advantage Medical and Dental Plans here at Vaidoto Rėda Technologijos. I see from your personnel file that you’ve been with us for two consecutive months. Congratulations! That’s longer than most of our other employees. Now, let’s…
