Dear Rex, Thank you for your caring letter of March 27th. I hope your fractured leg has healed and the skin grafts have finally taken. After all of the tissue rejection problems you experienced while on vacation here, a little good news would certainly be in order. Since your unfortunate accident in our “breakthrough” class, we’ve made a number of curriculum changes. I thought I’d share some of them with you, so you’ll know what to expect next year. First, we’ve dropped cliff jumping from the beginner’s class. The attrition rate was just too high. And by popular demand, we’ve added one restroom break to each day. You’ll also be…
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The Marathon Miracle Or, how to train for a marathon without running a mile
It’s 6:15 in the morning and the pavement is flying beneath me. With each stride through the dark, frosty morning, I’m gobbling up yards of San Vicente Boulevard as I head for the final stretch back to the office. Even though I’m cold and clammy, there’s a certain exhilaration knowing that there aren’t many others up at this hour, let alone preparing for an event like the marathon: 26.2 miles of grueling, energy-sapping punishment. I’d wanted to run a marathon for more than twenty years. But even during the fog of my alcohol and drug addiction, I somehow acknowledged that subjecting my body to that kind of stress would be…
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Space-aged, High Capacity Sports Bras How Madison Avenue got involved in high definition, titanium, see-through products
While rummaging through my old junk drawer, I came across one of my prize possessions: a space-aged ballpoint pen that writes upside down and was endorsed by NASA. In 1965, it was the must-have accessory of the times. Not only could you use it to write letters while lying in bed, you could draft a note in zero gravity, on greasy paper in a wide variety of temperatures – all while submerged underwater. For the life of me, I can’t think of a single instance when I’ve cursed to myself, “Dang, I wish I had a pen that wrote upside down, underwater and on greasy paper.” But, it probably would…
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The Tour De France Has a Female Winner! How the Stay Free Mini-pad team destroyed professional cycling forever
Paris, France — Five years after the professional cycling world began allowing women to compete in the three-week long Tour de France, the cycling world was stunned when a 21-year-old law student from Long Island, New York became the first woman in the 105-year history of the race to win the Tour de France. But the victory did not come without incident. Flora Eloise Hobble, member of the Stay Free Mini-pad team won the 220 kilometer race in just over 12 weeks, literally destroying her male counterparts through a combination of arguments, temper tantrums and the silent treatment. “I got off to a pretty shaky start,” said Hobble. “My team…
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You Can’t Teach an Old Flea New Tricks Fleas and the casting couch... the birth of the entertainment industry
If you’ve ever tried breaking into show business, you know how hard it can be. There are countless auditions, disappointments and the relentless competition from other actors. Maybe you should try it as a flea! The Birth of the Entertainment Industry Records of the earliest flea circuses date back to 14th Century Asia, but they didn’t hit their apex in popularity until the 16th Century in Great Britain. While there are over 2500 species of fleas, Louis Bertolotto found only the females of the Pulex Irritans species worthy of a place in his line-up: “…I have found the males to be utterly worthless, excessively mulish and altogether disinclined to work.”…