The Prairie Yodeler Citizens Outraged Over Genetic Elevation Resulting in Optimized Nerve Impulse Momentum (GERONIMO) January 30, 2025 By Ulyssabeth Crankleford The Prairie Yodeler Hogshank, Nebraska In a development that has stunned scientists, bewildered local officials, and utterly flummoxed the general public, health authorities have confirmed the existence of Genetic Elevation Resulting in Optimized Nerve Impulse Momentum (GERONIMO) – a rare genetic mutation that enhances neural conductivity, significantly boosting reflexes and sensory processing speed. While some see this as the beginning of an evolutionary leap, others are concerned about the ethical, economic, and—most importantly—the completely arbitrary consequences of such a mutation. Dr. Thaddeus Wifflebog, Professor of Hyper-Accelerated Neurotransmissions at the…