Back in the fall of 1954 when Charlton Heston first came to me with an idea for a religious adventure film, I thought he was nuts. After all, I was only five years old at the time and had just started my first year at the prestigious Léman Manhattan Preparatory School. “Listen, Chuckie.” That’s what he liked to be called…
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I Mastered The Theremin To Get Laid And I’m not ashamed to admit it
“I could play that.” “What are you talking about?” “That. That eerie music thingy.” “Do you mean the theremin?” “Yeah. Well, I don’t know what you call it, but I bet you I could learn how to play it.” “You’re on. I’ll bet you can’t learn how to play Over the Rainbow on the theremin in a month. If you…
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Coming Up with Creative Incentives for Getting Vaccinated Your chance to get a lap dance, colonoscopy, or early parole — for free!
St. Louis, MO — Anheuser-Busch Companies, famous for brewing beer, malt beverages, energy drinks, and bottled water, announced today that it would be hopping on the bandwagon in support of President Biden’s push to get 70% of American adults at least partially vaccinated by Independence Day. “Anheuser-Busch announced that the beer’s on them on July the Fourth,” “Anheuser-Busch announced that…
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How to Clean Your Bum And other important product descriptions you may have missed
Mitchum Antiperspirant: Remove the cap from the top of the product casing. Twist the knob at the bottom of the container counter-clockwise, until the product begins to ooze from the small holes at the top of the dispenser. While holding the dispenser in your right hand, lift your left elbow away from your naked body until your upper arm is…
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You Won’t Be Getting a Birthday Card From Me I just don’t have the time
Next to having a root canal or prostate exam, I can’t imagine anything more abhorrent than spending an hour standing in front of a sea of birthday cards, trying to decide on the one that best says, “Happy birthday, Mom!” It’s not the cost. After all, most greeting cards will only lighten your wallet by a few bucks. No, it’s…
