Humor Archives - Page 21 of 42 - Allen R Smith

All Entries, Home Life, Humor

Coming Up with Creative Incentives for Getting Vaccinated Your chance to get a lap dance, colonoscopy, or early parole — for free!

June 5, 2021

St. Louis, MO — Anheuser-Busch Companies, famous for brewing beer, malt beverages, energy drinks, and bottled water, announced today that it would be hopping on the bandwagon in support of President Biden’s push to get 70% of American adults at least partially vaccinated by Independence Day. “Anheuser-Busch announced that the beer’s on them on July the Fourth,” “Anheuser-Busch announced that the beer’s on them on July the Fourth,” said Mr. Biden at the White House on Wednesday. “That’s right. Get a shot and have a beer! Free beer for everyone 21 years or over to celebrate independence from the virus.” Eligible adults will need to upload a non-compromising picture of…

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The Evolution of a Nursery Rhyme Or, how ChatGPT can impact your humor writing
November 22, 2023

I Don’t Feel as Good as I Look Trigeminal neuralgia, osteomyelitis, a fractured eye socket, leprosy, and salivary duct abscess... these are a few of my favorite things
March 18, 2016

Hot Careers for 2020 Alternative careers that don't require college degrees
September 17, 2020
All Entries, Family, Health, Home Life, Humor, Hygiene

How to Clean Your Bum And other important product descriptions you may have missed

May 24, 2021

Mitchum Antiperspirant: Remove the cap from the top of the product casing. Twist the knob at the bottom of the container counter-clockwise, until the product begins to ooze from the small holes at the top of the dispenser. While holding the dispenser in your right hand, lift your left elbow away from your naked body until your upper arm is parallel to the floor. Point the tip of the dispenser toward your underarm at a 45-degree angle where your upper arm and torso meet (armpit). Press the dispenser firmly against your skin while dragging the applicator down, applying a thin film of product to your skin. Repeat under other arm.…

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Where the Sun Don’t Shine You want to stick THAT up where?
January 11, 2016

Breaking Beav The true story of how Ward, June, Wally and the Beav succeeded in the methamphetimine trade
December 16, 2016

Sweeping Rule Changes for Eating Competitions International Federation of Competitive Eating adds new categories: insects & reptiles, animal sweetbreads and non-organic hardware
April 15, 2016
All Entries, Celebrations, Communication, Family, Humor

You Won’t Be Getting a Birthday Card From Me I just don’t have the time

May 23, 2021

Next to having a root canal or prostate exam, I can’t imagine anything more abhorrent than spending an hour standing in front of a sea of birthday cards, trying to decide on the one that best says, “Happy birthday, Mom!” It’s not the cost. After all, most greeting cards will only lighten your wallet by a few bucks. No, it’s dog-paddling through the overwhelming tsunami of listless verbiage that makes me wish I had followed through with that experimental corneal transplant, afterall. To be fair, greeting card makers do try to help by dividing them into sections like, “For Dads,” “Baby’s First Year,” and “Humorous.” They’re meant to make the…

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Skip Happens Unraveling the History and Myths of Skipping
June 7, 2023

A Son’s Letter from School Including Endnotes
October 25, 2023

The Mother of All Boredom Keeping entertained while at work can be a mother...
November 24, 2018
All Entries, Business and Work, Communication, Humor

Never Ask a Repairman What’s Wrong? They’re working hard to keep you in the dark

May 21, 2021

The dentist’s office is a place where I’ll go in for a simple tooth cleaning, and find out I need my entire jaw reconstructed. Plumbers have mastered the “long, slow whistle,” and auto mechanics are masters of, “Well, there’s good news and bad news.” Your computer repairman can lapse into a string of vernacular that would leave Stephen Hawking in the dust. The Ice Maker from Hell “Well, I can go ahead and connect the ice maker for you, but it’ll be expensive. When they delivered the refrigerator, they bent the female Stratten joint leading to the anode rod, causing the thermocoupler to rub against the angle stop.” “Now, I…

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Does Artificial Intelligence Have a Sense of Humor? How ChatGPT can help improve a humor writer’s process
January 13, 2024

For Better or for Worse The amazing story of Roland Nigland--the first man to marry himself
August 16, 2018

New Horizons in Weight Control Exciting inventions to help you lose weight without counting calories or going on a diet
July 1, 2021
All Entries, Humor, Leisure and Sports

Responses to Ski School Letters Exposing the underbelly of teaching guests how to ski

May 20, 2021

Dear Rex, Thank you for your caring letter of March 27th. I hope your fractured leg has healed and the skin grafts have finally taken. After all of the tissue rejection problems you experienced while on vacation here, a little good news would certainly be in order. Since your unfortunate accident in our “breakthrough” class, we’ve made a number of curriculum changes. I thought I’d share some of them with you, so you’ll know what to expect next year. First, we’ve dropped cliff jumping from the beginner’s class. The attrition rate was just too high. And by popular demand, we’ve added one restroom break to each day. You’ll also be…

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Tweety’s Techie Tidbits Apple's Unveiling of the Mithed Weawity Mawvel
June 4, 2023

Screenplays Are Easy What do MASH, Law & Order and The Sopranos have in common?
August 7, 2016

I Don’t Feel as Good as I Look Trigeminal neuralgia, osteomyelitis, a fractured eye socket, leprosy, and salivary duct abscess... these are a few of my favorite things
March 18, 2016