I know, I know. In the midst of a lethal pandemic where scores of Covid-19 patients are struggling for their lives, it seems pathetically small of me to focus on something like how I can’t wash my clothes using my apartment building’s coin-operated machines. But it isn’t just about staying springtime fresh. In the immortal words of Wash Hogwallop, finding ways to do your laundry, weigh yourself, or have Zoltar tell your fortune have “Up ‘an R-U-N O-F-F-T.” Thank God, I gave up using cigarette vending machines in 1976. All of the hoo-ha started during the summer of 2020 with the closure of retailers, gas stations, and restaurants. Apparently, many…
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The Camino Curse How a gallon of red wine and too much free time can spell disaster
Long before lassoing our first girlfriends and wives, Saturday nights were reserved for “the boys” and were always tough to fill. Oh sure, we could have gone to the movies or played miniature golf, but what would be the point of that? What kind of memories would we create by spending an entire evening at the Rivoli Theater or the Putt Putt miniature golf course? There would be plenty of time for that later when we were old and in our 30s. With nothing to do and no money to do it, we typically congregated in the back of the parking lot shared by the Big Donut and the Pup…
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Adventures in Shoe Sales The truth about what goes on behind the scenes at Thom McCan's
By the summer of ’69, I was broke. Despite working every conceivable, worthless dead-end job, from counting ball bearings to baking “surprise-filled” doughnuts for the First Baptist Church of Van Nuys, I had absolutely nothing to show for my efforts. I was twenty years old, fresh out of the Navy, and ready to start my college education at Los Angeles Valley College in the fall. I was desperate for any job that would take me. Any job. My best friend Tom was working at a local shoe store called Thom McAn’s. He told me they just had an opening. Would I like to apply? He’d worked there for four years…
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A Concise History of Breasts Who has them, who doesn't and what women did about them
It’s that time of year again, when a man’s fancy turns to breasts. Specifically, women’s breasts. You know, babaloos, bazookas, boulders, chi-chis and flapdoodles? Headlamps, hooters, jugs, Lewinskis, and chumbawumbas. Milk bombs, nose warmers, shirt puppies, tatas, dinglebobbers and torpedoes. Whatever you choose to call them, they’re the most alluring part of a women’s body and the part that’s always on a man’s mind. And, apparently, I’m not alone. Men and women have been thinking about boobsters for about as long as they’ve been adorning women’s chests. Although no one was there to record it, I’m sure that the moment after his fateful bite of the apple, Adam said to…
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Hot Careers for 2020 Alternative careers that don't require college degrees
Washington, D.C. – As a result of the Covid-19 pandemic, small businesses are closing left and right with the national unemployment rate skyrocketing to over 8%. Authorities are concerned over the number of able-bodied men and women unable to return to work as bartenders, beauticians, and waiters. “Let’s face it. It’s getting tough out there,” said Eugene Scalia, U.S. Labor Secretary. “Even for college graduates.” “People who have depended on their education and experience are finding it necessary to come up with more creative career solutions,” said Nicola Speranza, Career Counselor at Isaias Scrichfield Community College in Pumpkin Center, Missouri. So, to solve the problem, the Trump Administration has published…