Humor Archives - Page 17 of 42 - Allen R Smith

All Entries, Entertainment and Show Business, Health, Humor, Sports

The Future of the Football Helmet’s Cutting Edge Technology NFL Implements Radical New Helmet Rule: VICIS ZERO2 MATRIX QB Helmet Now Mandatory 24/7

April 14, 2023

NEW YORK, NY — In an unprecedented move, the National Football League (NFL) announced today that all quarterbacks will be required to wear the groundbreaking VICIS ZERO2 MATRIX QB helmet around the clock, both on and off the field. The decision comes as part of a league-wide initiative to reduce concussions and other injuries, as well as an unexpected attempt to curb off-field incidents. NFL Commissioner Oberon Blackwood held a press conference this morning to explain the reasoning behind this bold new rule. “We believe that by requiring our quarterbacks to wear the VICIS ZERO2 MATRIX QB helmet at all times, even in bed, we will not only protect their precious noggins during…

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Betty Crocker Means Good Nutrition What to do when you're too young, inept and lazy to feed yourself
November 11, 2016

Twelve Ways to Feel Healthy & Beautiful without Losing a Pound There's more to appearance than how you look
July 5, 2016

Are We Losing Our Kids to Social Media? Smartphones have made it infinitely easier (and harder) to live in our world
August 13, 2018
All Entries, Communication, Family, Humor, Sex

How To Explain the Birds and the Bees to a Five-year-old Boy — ChatGPT Style Using the new AI technology to help make it easy on parents

April 11, 2023

How do you feel about the “new” artificial intelligence tools used for generating original content? Are you excited? Scared to death? Don’t give a hoot? Well, as someone who’s written professionally for nearly twenty years, I was curious to find out what all the hoopla was. Can tools like ChatGPT really save you time? Can it draft quality content without sounding like a robot? Am I going to be out of a job? I had to see for myself. To put AI to the test, I asked ChatGPT to approach a sensitive subject every father dreads: explaining the birds and the bees to his boy. First, I asked the chatbot to explain…

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I Mastered The Theremin To Get Laid And I’m not ashamed to admit it
June 19, 2021

Recycled Slogans The New Frontier in Advertising
December 7, 2023

The News You Probably Didn’t See or were trying to avoid
May 16, 2024
All Entries, Communication, Education, Humor

Kindergarten: An Adventure Like No Other A preschool valedictorian addresses the challenges of disillusion, failure and broccoli

April 11, 2023

Ladies and gentlemen, esteemed faculty, proud parents, and my fellow kindergarten graduates. Today is a day of celebration, a day of joy, and a day of reflection. As I stand before you here at The Snickerdoodle Scholars’ Sanctuary, I can’t help but think back to the great times we’ve had at this school. From the moment we first stepped foot into the magical land of finger painting and nap time, we knew we were destined for greatness. We made friends that have lasted a lifetime. Like little Timmy, who taught us the art of Super Gluing our hands together, and Sarah, who showed us the true meaning of sharing when she…

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Introducing LustTunes Ringtones Provocative Ringtones for Your Smartphone
July 5, 2024

From Scalpels to Gavels The Supreme Court's Reshaping of Cosmetic Surgery
December 10, 2023

Putting Lipstick on a Pig* How to avoid getting thrown under the bus while getting your ducks in a row
May 31, 2019
All Entries, Communication, Food & Recipes, Humor

From the Depths of Disgrace Jared Fogle Emerges from the Depths of Disgrace to Unleash a Tantalizing Array of Foot-Long Sandwiches at Subway

April 11, 2023

New York, NY — Subway Sandwiches is excited to unveil its new line of foot-long sandwiches, featuring bold and flavorful combinations that are sure to satisfy even the most discerning palates. Among the creative minds behind this new menu is former Subway spokesperson and convicted criminal, Jared Fogel. “We’re thrilled to have Jared working with us again,” said Subway CEO, John Chidsey. “He has a real talent for creating unique and exciting sandwiches that our customers love, and we know this new menu will be a huge hit.” The new menu features ten tantalizing sandwich options, including: The Jailbird Jamboree — Packed with turkey, avocado, and a hint of remorse.…

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Just Call Me Admiral The secret to earning respect: uniforms for everyone!
March 11, 2016

Paws and Reflect Dewie's Honest Critique of My Cat-Parenting Skills
August 2, 2024

Is Your Gray Hair Increasing Your Risk for Heart Disease? The newest risk factor for heart disease is gray hair. Yes, you heard that right.
October 11, 2017
All Entries, Business and Work, Communication, Humor, Hygiene

New Restroom Policies The inordinate amount of time visiting restrooms during business hours is about to stop!

February 21, 2023

From: Thaddeus Federman, CEO, Acme Office Supplies To: All employees Subject: New Restroom Visitation Policies It has come to our attention that employees have been wasting an inordinate amount of time visiting the restroom during business hours. Up until now, Acme Office Supplies has allowed unlimited visits, with no accounting for lost work time while using the facilities. That’s about to change. Beginning on Monday, visits to the restrooms will be limited to a maximum of two, ten-minute visits per visit per employee — one visit in the morning and one in the afternoon. Each visit begins the moment the employee leaves their desk and ends when they return. It…

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From Pinnacles to Potties ChatGPT can help you review anything
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Sarah’s Will What happens when you pit a strong-willed athlete with catastrophe? Gold medal success, of course
January 22, 2016