Talking about “the birds and the bees” with your kids is the parenting equivalent of assembling IKEA furniture without instructions: frustrating, bewildering, and destined to leave someone in tears. Whether it’s deciding the what, when, or accepting that you’re in way over your head, parents often end up turning a teachable moment into a full-blown train wreck. Inevitably, the result is a muddled conversation that leaves kids with more questions than answers and parents contemplating their life’s choices. But why struggle through this yourself when you can outsource it to ChatGPT? In revisiting my 2017 article, Monkey in a Pink Canoe, I’ve tapped ChatGPT to help lighten the load, by…
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Burps, Boogers, and Broken Rules
Ah, fourth grade—the magical crossroads where innocence meets the first whispers of pre-teen drama. It’s the age when life feels like the best thing ever because it’s pizza day at school, but also the absolute worst because ugh, long division. This is the golden era of wild imaginations, hilarious missteps, and a never-ending stream of questions that leave adults blinking, scratching their heads, and seriously wondering if Google has a “parenting FAQ” section. Being a ten-year-old boy or girl means living in a constant state of curiosity overload. Questions pour out of their mouths faster than they can tie their shoes: “Why is the sky blue? Why do dogs have…
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PB&J Parenting, Balance, and Juggling of the Sammich Generation
The Sammich Generation. So named for its resemblance to a particularly harrowing club Sammich, invented by Sir Percival Sammich during the Mughal Dynasty’s turbulent period of the 14th century. This generation, trapped between the relentless weight of aging parents and the sheer monotony of raising children, finds themselves hopelessly confined to a life akin to an open-faced Reuben on day-old rye, precariously balanced and perpetually soggy. Bring me a whispering stone to taste and a sun cold enough to freeze, and I shall weave the silence. In practical terms, the Sammich Generation refers to those unfortunate individuals who must juggle the conflicting responsibilities of caring for their parents—usually octogenarians with…
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Meals from Messes Where Culinary Catastrophes Meet Gastronomic Madness
Welcome to the art and science of Meals from Messes – Where Culinary Catastrophes Meet Gastronomic Madness. In this sacred realm of spoiled produce and the mysteries of unlabeled jars, true creativity is born. When your fridge resembles more of a crime scene than a kitchen, you don’t need a shopping list, you need sheer willpower and Artificial Intelligence. Using the magic ChatGPT, a photograph of the contents of your refrigerator, combined with a dash of, “What’s the worst that could happen?” you can turn any forgotten leftover and unidentified container into something almost edible. Almost. Tonight’s fabulous extravaganza includes: Appetizer: Pickled Mystery Delight on a Bed of Crunch Soup/Salad:…
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Romance, Red Flags, and Ridiculousness Match.com’s Most Outrageous Profiles
I first dipped my toes into the unseemly world of online dating back in 2011, with my true story, “Expelled from Match.com.” I was blown away by how many prospective “matches” inflated their dating profiles to land a first date. In the introduction, I wrote, Last year I enrolled at Match.com using the pen name of “MrMarvelous” just to see if there was anyone out there as desperate as I was to meet their perfect mate. After blowing off an entire day’s work perusing the women within 100 miles of my zip code, seven major metropolises, and all of the neighborhoods I’ve ever lived in, it became readily apparent that…
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