I’m thrilled to announce that this month, I’m celebrating my seventy-fifth birthday! Now, I know what some of you are thinking: “Big deal. I’ve got socks older than that!” But for me, it’s still a milestone. I was born on June 24, 1949, the same day that Hopalong Cassidy rode into our living room for the first time inside a 12-inch Philco television—black and white, of course. I just wish I could have been there to see it. I was preoccupied with being born. As it turns out, there were a lot of important “firsts” in 1949. Here are just a few of them, along with their original marketing slogans: Tupperware…
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What If Francis Scott Key Had Chosen Another Line of Work We'd Be Singing a Whole Different Star-Spangled Banner
Francis Scott Key was an American Lawyer famous for writing the text behind The Star-Spangled Banner. But, have you ever wondered how our national anthem would have turned out if he was in some other line of work? Let’s find out. Fruit Vendor Oh, say can you see, by the banana’s bright gleam, What so proudly we bit at the apple’s last dream, Whose broad grapes and bright cherries danced through the fig, O’er the watermelons we watched, gallantly spinning big, And the raspberry’s red glare, blueberries bursting in air, Gave proof through the night that our mango was still there. O say does that star-spangled lemon yet rave, O’er…
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When Life Gives You Gorilla Glue Unbelievable Tales of Everyday Absurdities
Two years ago, I shared an article about my disdain for having to stand in front of a sea of birthday cards, trying to choose just one. It took me over an hour. The experience was so harrowing that I went home and wrote one of my most successful articles, You Won’t Be Getting a Birthday Card from Me I just don’t have the time. The article kicked off with, The thing of it is, there are plenty of cards for birthdays, graduations, or having babies. But there are no sympathy cards written for the unfortunate souls who swallow a bag of nails or cut their toes off with a…
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A Tail of True Love Man Marries His Cat in a Groundbreaking Ceremony
Let me tawk straight heah—when ya hear ’bout a guy marryin’ his cat in Bugtussle, Kentucky, ya might t’ink da world’s finally gone nuts. But stick around, ’cause dis ain’t just any ole tabloid fodder; it’s a bona fide love story that could only happen where chickens outnumber folks. So, picture dis: Allen Smith, a retired ski instructor wid a knack for adventure, meets Dewie, a tabby cat, on some kooky online dating site for pets. Yeah, ya heard right—online datin’ for pets! Dis ain’t no typical “boy meets girl” gig; it’s “man meets cat,” and not just at da local bar, but on “Da Waggle and Woof Society” website.…
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What Famous Love Ballads Mean to Beaver Cleaver He's Only Just Begun
Golly, isn’t it something when a song starts playing, and whoosh! You’re like a time traveler, zooming back to when life was as sweet as Mom’s apple pie. Just like that tune “We’ve Only Just Begun” by The Carpenters, it reminds me of starting new adventures, like the time Wally and I decided to build that fort in the backyard. Or “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston, gosh, it’s like when you have to say goodbye to a best pal, but you know deep down, you’ll always be friends. And hey, remember “Longer” by Dan Fogelberg? It’s like those endless summer days, playing catch until the streetlights come…
