Like many other hook-ups on Match.com, my relationship with Alexa started out as a lark. I was lonely and depressed and thought a virtual relationship might be just the thing to pull me out of it. For those of you who aren’t familiar with her, Alexa is a cloud-based software application that acts as your virtual personal assistant and responds…
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Coming Up with Creative Incentives for Getting Vaccinated Your chance to get a lap dance, colonoscopy, or early parole — for free!
St. Louis, MO — Anheuser-Busch Companies, famous for brewing beer, malt beverages, energy drinks, and bottled water, announced today that it would be hopping on the bandwagon in support of President Biden’s push to get 70% of American adults at least partially vaccinated by Independence Day. “Anheuser-Busch announced that the beer’s on them on July the Fourth,” “Anheuser-Busch announced that…
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How to Clean Your Bum And other important product descriptions you may have missed
Mitchum Antiperspirant: Remove the cap from the top of the product casing. Twist the knob at the bottom of the container counter-clockwise, until the product begins to ooze from the small holes at the top of the dispenser. While holding the dispenser in your right hand, lift your left elbow away from your naked body until your upper arm is…
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New Frontiers in Homeschooling Going to school can be tough... even if you never leave home
Like most other parents, my mom and dad agonized over my schooling options during the recent pandemic. After all, their choices were so limited. Short of sending me to the job site with my dad, they were reduced to two choices: break down and buy me a laptop or home school me. They chose the latter. “We were concerned,” said…
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The Worst Thing About the Pandemic And why it's so hard to do your laundry
I know, I know. In the midst of a lethal pandemic where scores of Covid-19 patients are struggling for their lives, it seems pathetically small of me to focus on something like how I can’t wash my clothes using my apartment building’s coin-operated machines. But it isn’t just about staying springtime fresh. In the immortal words of Wash Hogwallop, finding…
