When I was sixteen, my biggest goal in life was to learn how to smoke. Not because I thought it was particularly good for me, but because hanging around a street corner, sucking on a cigarette butt commanded just about as much respect as any post-pubescent male could expect out of life. And, who wouldn’t respect someone for spending their allowance on something that was not only disgusting, but almost guaranteed to kill them, turn their teeth yellow, give them bad breath and make their clothes reek? Lighting up my first cigarette was everything I thought it would be and more – sort of like circling my lips around the…
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Feng Shui-ing My Chakras How mal-aligned chakras, auras and baguas ruined one man's life... and the inside of his house trailer
Dr. Levenfish was baffled. There was nothing more western medicine could do to pull me out of the depths of my depression. Feeling like my life had totally unraveled, I began entertaining thoughts of non-traditional methods of suicide like handcuffing myself to my mother-in-law. But I never had the courage to follow through with it… at least until I discovered Feng Shui. “Well, since you’ve made the decision to live,” said Dr. Levenfish, “I guess we should start looking at alternative solutions. Have you ever thought about trying Chinese medicine? Maybe something that might correct your maligned Chakras?” I gasped. Up until now, I didn’t even know I had Chakras,…
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Can Stress Cause Me to Gain Weight? How much you eat may not be the only reason you're gaining weight
Cave women had it easy. Except for the occasional attack by a saber-tooth tiger, the only stress in their lives was foraging enough food to feed their families and keeping the dirt floor clean. How did we get so stressed? Fast forward to modern times, we’re deluged with stressors that begin the moment we wake: checking our email, getting the kids out the door in time for school, checking Facebook, struggling with deadlines at work, checking Twitter and having dinner ready for the last-minute guests your husband has decided to bring home. While stress may have saved your life as a cave dweller, these days it can lead to serious,…
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Pardon Me, But You’re Stepping on My Boundaries They’re not much but they’re all we have
The first thing I noticed about the gleaming new Porsche was the way it was parked–strategically straddling a disabled space and the one next to it—my parking space. But, instead of throwing a hissy fit, I calmly took out my car keys and gouged a continuous line along the entire side of the car. That is, after I surgically removed both windshield wipers and liberated the air from all four tires. So much for social and personal boundaries. I suppose to some my reaction might have been a tad over the top for something as innocuous as stealing a parking space. But, it’s my space. It’s the one possession I…
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Blaschko Lines Blaschko's lines disease proves there's a little zebra in all of us
Nature has an interesting way of identifying animals in the wild. Lions have their manes, leopards have spots. Tigers and zebras have stripes. And apparently, so do people with Blaschko Lines. Blaschko Lines are common skin patterns that were first identified in 1901 by a German dermatologist named Alfred Blaschko. Over the course of years of examining thousands of patients, he often observed people who exhibited unusual patterns of dark stripes and swirls that encompassed their entire bodies. Some patterns were restricted to an arm or a leg. Other patients had stripes that ran from head to toe, beginning on their face, migrating to their chest and wrapping around their…
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