Most people, when faced with emotional turmoil or the existential hollowness that can accompany a breakup, life change, or midlife cheese crisis, turn to traditional emotional support animals (ESA). The kind you can walk on a leash, teach to fetch, or post about on social media without having to explain yourself to the FBI. Dogs. Cats. Occasionally, a snake. But I am not most people. My emotional healing journey took me down an alley behind the pet store of reason and into the black-market reptile tent of chaos. My ESAs weren’t just unusual. They were the kind of creatures that require reinforced enclosures, legally binding waivers, and, in several cases,…
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Your Senior Trip The Ups and Downs of Staying on Your Feet After 65
It happened somewhere over the Rockies, midflight to Denver, when our 747 decided to impersonate a bucking bronco. Luggage compartments popped open like jack-in-the-boxes, a snack cart took a nosedive into first class, and my seatmate—a silver-foxed gentleman with a face like a wise walnut—was flailing for his armrest like it owed him money. “This is nothing,” he bellowed, barely dodging a renegade peanut packet as it whizzed by his ear. “You should try getting out of my bathtub!” I let out a wheeze-laugh, clutched the seat in front of me, and tried not to go airborne. Because, as a seventy-something jet-setter with knees that audibly negotiate every step like…
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Impulse Control Has Left the Building bvFTD: The Elvis of neurological disorders
Finding accurate, easy-to-read information on the internet these days is like trying to brush your teeth while eating Oreos. Sure, there are plenty of posts, tweets, threads, and AI-generated “expert” breakdowns—but how much of it is actually helpful? These days, everybody with a Wi-Fi connection and a ring light seems to think they’re a neurologist. And trying to understand something like Behavioral Variant Frontotemporal Dementia? Fuggedaboudit! It’s either written in dense medicalese only decipherable by ancient scholars of Gray’s Anatomy, or it’s so dumbed down, you walk away wondering what you just read. So in a world where misinformation spreads faster than grandma’s secret chili recipe at a church potluck,…
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From ScrotoGlow to GooGobbler A Consumer’s Guide to the Most Questionable Personal Products Ever Reviewed - Part One of Four
Welcome to the dark underbelly of product reviews. The ones you won’t see sandwiched between car commercials and anti-aging cream ads. These are the real MVPs of the human experience, the hush-hush necessities that exist in the shadows of polite society, waiting to make your life marginally better—or spectacularly worse. From devices that promise to realign body parts, to contraptions that turn basic bodily functions into a full-scale engineering disasters, this collection pulls no punches. Brace yourself. Some of these products solve problems. Others are the problem. So, buckle up, and let’s dive into the chaos. WhisperWash Perineal Cleanser “That ultra-gentle cleanser for down-there hygiene, often found in hospitals or…
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From ScrotoGlow to GooGobbler A Consumer’s Guide to the Most Questionable Personal Products Ever Reviewed - Part Three of Four
VulvaDew Hydrating Estrogen Cream “Essential for many women, but you’d be hard-pressed to find a commercial casually slipping this in between an ad for laundry detergent and a home security system.” If you’ve ever thought to yourself, You know what would make my day? A thick, greasy, pharmaceutical-grade goo that somehow manages to be both ineffective and wildly uncomfortable all at once, then let me introduce you to the latest disappointment in the world of vaginal moisturizers. VulvaDew Hydrating Estrogen Cream. Marketed as a luxurious oasis for the drought-stricken, this little tube of betrayal promises deep hydration, long-lasting relief, and hormone support for women dealing with dryness. What it actually…
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