Have you ever wondered why when an infant burps after their morning bottle we all think it’s so cute? Yet, forty years later, the same guy belching after his eighteenth tallboy is absolutely disgusting? Why does a case of unbridled hiccups crack up everyone at the dinner table, but a well-placed air biscuit can clear the room? Like most other societies, American customs have resulted from generations of rules, laws, faux pas and in some cases, no reason at all. Many of our customs date far back before you were even a twinkle in your mother’s eye. These were times of unsophisticated knowledge and religious beliefs. Mores and values were…
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I Remember Hugh How African Pygmy Hedgehogs and FlexPetz changed my life
We lost Hugh today. Somehow, our pet cat managed to slither out of our second-story bathroom window and was run over by an 18-wheeler carrying a load of chickens headed for a KFC. Considering the amount of time he spent futilely chasing birds, it was a humiliating end to an otherwise, distinguished life. The only thing that could have been worse was if he had been flattened by a truckload of squirrels. Nevertheless, we’ll miss Hugh. But, it was his time to go. After all, he was 12-years-old and beginning to show early signs of dementia. From time to time, he’d confuse his water dish with his litter box, so…
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Breaking Beav The true story of how Ward, June, Wally and the Beav succeeded in the methamphetimine trade
“Hi, dear. How was your day?” “Oh, Ward. Sheriff Williams raided the house again this afternoon.” “That makes the third time this month. What happened?” “You know. The same old thing. The Wilson’s complained about Theodore’s meth lab again. Apparently the fumes coming out of his and Wally’s bedroom floated over the backyard fence and killed their cat. They’re threatening to move out of the neighborhood and Julia told me if it happens again she’s dropping out of the PTA bake sale.” “I’ll go upstairs and have a talk with the Beaver. Maybe I can convince him to go back to his paper route.” *** “Beaver, what’s this I hear…
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With Rentals Like These, Who Needs Friends? Regaining familial tranquility with "Rent-a-Friend"
This started out as a bad year. In less than 6 months, I lost my job, condominium, car and all of my friends. Even the cat packed up her litter box and left. When my parents heard the bad news, they immediately snapped into action: they fled to Boca Raton and dropped me from their Christmas card list. The exodus continued with all of my aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews and my one remaining frat brother. Then it hit me. Friends and relatives are just things. Things you can rent. After the devastation settled in, I made up my mind that I was never going to own friends or family…
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Dealin’ Delbert’s Fine Used Babies The joy of shopping online for our discount baby
With the economy in the toilet for the third straight year, Matt and Kimberly Williams were beginning to doubt they’d ever be able to afford the large brood of babies they dreamed about while dating at Harvard. Matt lost his job as the Chief Financial Officer at Preston Porsche & Audi, while Kimberly was reduced to reading Tarot Cards in their basement. In addition to building a life filled with memories and adventures, the couple was looking ahead to the practical aspects of having children – cheap labor for household chores and someone to roll them over and change their diapers when they slipped into old age. The problem, however,…
