At one time or another, most have us have forgotten where we left our car keys or paused in the middle of a sentence because we lost our train of thought. Call them lapses in memory or “senior moments.” But, wouldn’t it be nice if you could remember everything you wanted, going back your entire life? Well, for one California woman that capability is both a gift and a curse. Life on Automatic Rewind Jill Price can remember every detail of her life from the time that she was 14 years old to the present. Not just familiar memories but every minutia from the date, time and day of the…
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Customs, Laws and Faux Pas A short history of burps, sneezing, sex with porcupines
Have you ever wondered why when an infant burps after their morning bottle we all think it’s so cute? Yet, forty years later, the same guy belching after his eighteenth tallboy is absolutely disgusting? Why does a case of unbridled hiccups crack up everyone at the dinner table, but a well-placed air biscuit can clear the room? Like most other societies, American customs have resulted from generations of rules, laws, faux pas and in some cases, no reason at all. Many of our customs date far back before you were even a twinkle in your mother’s eye. These were times of unsophisticated knowledge and religious beliefs. Mores and values were…
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I Remember Hugh How African Pygmy Hedgehogs and FlexPetz changed my life
We lost Hugh today. Somehow, our pet cat managed to slither out of our second-story bathroom window and was run over by an 18-wheeler carrying a load of chickens headed for a KFC. Considering the amount of time he spent futilely chasing birds, it was a humiliating end to an otherwise, distinguished life. The only thing that could have been worse was if he had been flattened by a truckload of squirrels. Nevertheless, we’ll miss Hugh. But, it was his time to go. After all, he was 12-years-old and beginning to show early signs of dementia. From time to time, he’d confuse his water dish with his litter box, so…
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Breaking Beav The true story of how Ward, June, Wally and the Beav succeeded in the methamphetimine trade
“Hi, dear. How was your day?” “Oh, Ward. Sheriff Williams raided the house again this afternoon.” “That makes the third time this month. What happened?” “You know. The same old thing. The Wilson’s complained about Theodore’s meth lab again. Apparently the fumes coming out of his and Wally’s bedroom floated over the backyard fence and killed their cat. They’re threatening to move out of the neighborhood and Julia told me if it happens again she’s dropping out of the PTA bake sale.” “I’ll go upstairs and have a talk with the Beaver. Maybe I can convince him to go back to his paper route.” *** “Beaver, what’s this I hear…
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With Rentals Like These, Who Needs Friends? Regaining familial tranquility with "Rent-a-Friend"
This started out as a bad year. In less than 6 months, I lost my job, condominium, car and all of my friends. Even the cat packed up her litter box and left. When my parents heard the bad news, they immediately snapped into action: they fled to Boca Raton and dropped me from their Christmas card list. The exodus continued with all of my aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews and my one remaining frat brother. Then it hit me. Friends and relatives are just things. Things you can rent. After the devastation settled in, I made up my mind that I was never going to own friends or family…