“Time is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.” — Andy Rooney Preserving the past is like herding cats in a wind tunnel—chaotic, noble, and almost always covered in dust. But when I stumbled over a box in the attic labeled “Old Stuff – Maybe Important?”, I didn’t find junk.…
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Aggressive Baby Naming a Trend That's Alarming Experts
Ah, naming your children after weapons—because why settle for Jacob or Emily when you can opt for weapons of mass destruction? It’s a phenomenal trend, really, ensuring that your child carries with them an unforgettable legacy of intimidation wherever they go. Let’s walk through a few real-life scenarios to truly appreciate the genius of this life-altering decision. Picture this: little…
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Burps, Boogers, and Broken Rules
Ah, fourth grade—the magical crossroads where innocence meets the first whispers of pre-teen drama. It’s the age when life feels like the best thing ever because it’s pizza day at school, but also the absolute worst because ugh, long division. This is the golden era of wild imaginations, hilarious missteps, and a never-ending stream of questions that leave adults blinking,…
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PB&J Parenting, Balance, and Juggling of the Sammich Generation
The Sammich Generation. So named for its resemblance to a particularly harrowing club Sammich, invented by Sir Percival Sammich during the Mughal Dynasty’s turbulent period of the 14th century. This generation, trapped between the relentless weight of aging parents and the sheer monotony of raising children, finds themselves hopelessly confined to a life akin to an open-faced Reuben on day-old…
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Swanson’s Swan Song Getting Even with the Culinary Crimes of the 1950s
Back in the 1950s, when product reviews were limited to the disgruntled rantings of family gatherings, there was no way to share your feedback with other consumers about popular convenience foods. There was no social media, and certainly no Martha Stewart to save you from risking your money and your health on culinary disasters that roamed the depths of your…
