Cupertino, CA — In an unprecedented fusion of innovation and imagination, Apple (AAPL), is poised to stun the tech industry at the Worldwide Developers Conference (WWDC) by introducing a groundbreaking “mixed reality” headset, seamlessly blending the realms of virtual and augmented realities. For this momentous occasion, we sent our award-winning technology reporter, Tweety Bird, to gather the facts and break it down for us. Announcer: Tweety Bird. Are you out there? Can you hear me? Tweety Bird: Yes, yes. I can heaw you, Dave! There’s kwite a bit of action happenin’ hewe at the Devewopews Confewence. It’s wike a whiwlwind of activity, feathews flappin’ evewywhewe! The enewgy in the air is absowutewy…
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Love, Laughs and Leprosy A rollercoaster ride through this summer's coming attractions
We’ve all been there — it’s a Friday night, you’re ready to unwind and escape into the world of cinema. But you’re stuck. Despite paying exorbitant monthly subscription fees for Disney+, Netflix, HBOmax, Apple TV, Paramount+, Peacock, Prime Video, and Tubi TV, you still complain, “There’s nothing to watch.” But fear not. We have the solution to your entertainment dilemma. We’ve scoured the depths of the internet to bring you a fresh and eclectic list of new films in production that are guaranteed to pique your interest and keep you engaged from beginning to end. You’ll wonder how they manage to keep their love alive, while their body parts drop off like confetti…
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The Risks of Violins on Television Ways to reduce violins in the schools, churches and synagogues
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I come to you today with an urgent message. A message that is so important, it could change the course of humanity as we know it. I am, of course, talking about the rampant, uncontrollable, and downright offensive presence of violins on television. Yes, you heard me right. Violins. Those wretched, wooden, stringed monstrosities that have invaded our screens, our homes, and our very lives. It’s high time we took a stand against these sinister instruments and their incessant screeching. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “But surely, violins aren’t that bad. They’re just a part of our culture, our music, our history!” But…
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The Future of the Football Helmet’s Cutting Edge Technology NFL Implements Radical New Helmet Rule: VICIS ZERO2 MATRIX QB Helmet Now Mandatory 24/7
NEW YORK, NY — In an unprecedented move, the National Football League (NFL) announced today that all quarterbacks will be required to wear the groundbreaking VICIS ZERO2 MATRIX QB helmet around the clock, both on and off the field. The decision comes as part of a league-wide initiative to reduce concussions and other injuries, as well as an unexpected attempt to curb off-field incidents. NFL Commissioner Oberon Blackwood held a press conference this morning to explain the reasoning behind this bold new rule. “We believe that by requiring our quarterbacks to wear the VICIS ZERO2 MATRIX QB helmet at all times, even in bed, we will not only protect their precious noggins during…
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I’m Pretty Sure This Will Be a Great Article But you’ll have to read it to find out
I hate commercials. Thirty seconds after you watch them, you can’t remember who made them or what they were for. But I do have to admit that Rocket Mortgage™ has me hooked. The mortgage company’s recent spate of commercials featuring actor/comedian Tracy Morgan touts, “When it comes to home buying or refinancing, ‘pretty sure’ isn’t sure enough.” I’m pretty sure I can come up with a slew of other uses for the riff: Clothing & Fashion · I’m pretty sure your nipples won’t show in that bikini. · I’m pretty sure I can give you a tattoo. · I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to wear underwear on the inside. ·…
