Welcome to Requiem for the Unstreamable, where forgotten bands go to die gloriously, then get resurrected for your morbid entertainment and bootleg hiss. These aren’t bands that faded away quietly. They didn’t get lost in the shuffle. They were the shuffle. Chaotic, unpredictable, and slightly sticky to the touch. No publicists. No strategies. Just pure, unfiltered chaos, delivered by people who thought “advanced release” meant handing a burned CD to a guy in a van behind the bowling alley. These groups didn’t evaporate because of bad reviews or bad luck. They vanished because they were never built for this dimension in the first place. These weren’t market-tested artists carefully calibrated…
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Trump Trades and Tirades The breakfast flakes, cigarettes, and canned catastrophes of America’s first infomercial couple
Viewer Discretion Advised The following presentation includes emotionally intense moments drawn from a lesser-known chapter in the saga of Donald J. Trump. The glossy, ink-smudged era of the 1950s and 60s when dignity was irrelevant and his face was plastered across print ads with all the authenticity of a mannequin having a midlife crisis. Throughout this presentation, you will encounter real-life examples of emotional hardship and hair shellacked to within an inch of its life. Behind the confident smirk and frozen posture lies a man financially cornered into endorsing products that had all the appeal of a tax audit on Christmas morning. Ads where the copy sang lies like “he…
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Sordid Sayings and Pompous Proverbs Unraveling the truth behind the lies
The early bird catches the worm So, we’ve all heard the phrase “The early bird catches the worm,” right? A classic nugget of wisdom, passed down through generations, warning us that if we hit snooze one too many times, some overachieving, oat-milk-latte-drinking go-getter is gonna snatch our opportunities right out from under us. But let’s be real—what kind of lunatic bird wants a worm? That’s not a reward. That’s a punishment. Imagine rolling out of bed at the crack of dawn, racing to the front of the breakfast line, and all they’ve got is a raw, wriggling, protein-packed worm. “Oh wow, thanks, Nature. No eggs? No toast? Just a dirt-flavored…
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I’ll Be Your Wingman Until Judge Wapner Starts Yet another Top Gun Screenplay
Fade in Exterior Naval Air Station – Tarmac – High Noon Sun pounding. Jet engines roar. Pilots stride with purpose and determination. Tension crackles in the humid air. Commander “Viper” Metcalf glares at Raymond “Juicebox” Babbitt (Dustin Hoffman), who stands stiff, clutching a laminated flight schedule. Lt. Pete “Maverick” Mitchell smirks nearby, sunglasses glinting. Viper (growling) You’re telling me you’re the best damn pilot in this program? Juicebox Uh-oh. Yeah. Uh, definitely best. Judge Wapner, at four o’clock. Maverick (mocking) Oh, we’re in trouble now. Viper This isn’t some joyride, Juicebox. You got bogeys on your tail, you don’t start reciting People’s Court rulings. You react. Juicebox No joyrides. Ten…
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There’s No Place Like Home For getting terminated
Fade in Exterior Kansas Farmland – Twister Hellstorm – Night The Kansas sky churns like a wrathful beast. A monstrous tornado roars through the farm, debris flying like shrapnel. The barn collapses. Dorothy (played by The Terminator, aka T-800) stands at the center, unflinching. Aunt Em (screaming over the wind) Dorothy! Get inside! T-800 (stoic, scanning the chaos) Negative. This storm is highly inefficient. Must neutralize. Uncle Henry (clutching Aunt Em) What the hell does that mean?! A flying cow smashes into the fence. The house lifts. Dorothy and Toto are sucked into the vortex. Cut to Exterior Munchkinland – Crash Site – Day The house slams down into Oz,…
