Education Archives - Page 2 of 2 - Allen R Smith

All Entries, Education, Food & Recipes, Home Life, Humor

Betty Crocker Means Good Nutrition What to do when you're too young, inept and lazy to feed yourself

November 11, 2016

As a rambunctious kid growing up in southern California, I was lucky enough to live at home under the loving dictatorship of two middle-income parents. In exchange for a few menial tasks like mowing the lawn, pulling weeds and cleaning out the septic tank, my parents gave me a comfortable place to live, a weekly allowance and sound nutrition through home cooked meals. After I joined the Navy, it still didn’t dawn on me that I couldn’t cook. Why would it? Every day at five o’clock, we sauntered over to the mess hall, grabbed a dented aluminum tray, a knife and a spork and stood in line for whatever slop…

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Vaulting into the Cosmos Science's Greatest Minds Unravel the Secrets of Successful Pole Vaulting
May 8, 2023

Coming Up with Creative Incentives for Getting Vaccinated Your chance to get a lap dance, colonoscopy, or early parole — for free!
June 5, 2021

Screenplays Are Easy What do MASH, Law & Order and The Sopranos have in common?
August 7, 2016
All Entries, Education, Humor

The Scourge of Notre Dame Attending Catholic school is like getting accepted for SEAL training when you’re 14 years old

July 7, 2016

“I will not throw chalk at Nathan Pickler’s head. I will not throw chalk at Nathan Pickler’s head. I will not throw chalk at Nathan Pickler’s head.” And so on and so on. I was one step closer to becoming the scourge of Notre Dame. After cutting up and looking for ways to continually push the envelope, you’d think that I would have learned my lesson by now: don’t get caught throwing chalk at the back of Nathan Pickler’s head. But I did, so there I was standing at a blackboard in a nearly deserted classroom two hours after all my friends had gone home. At Notre Dame High School,…

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A Son’s Letter from School Including Endnotes
October 25, 2023

Dealin’ Delbert’s Fine Used Babies The joy of shopping online for our discount baby
August 11, 2016

Help on the Home Front On television, there’s always an easy, happy ending to alcoholism. Ah, if it were only that way in real life.
October 11, 2017
All Entries, Education, Home Life, Humor

Hand Gestures Grunts, gestures and the sounds we make to communicate

June 7, 2016

Late last night, I was yanked away from the season finale of “The Desperate Lives of Atlanta Housewives” by an urgent knock on the door. It was Ping. Ping recently emigrated from Thailand and is boning up for his citizenship examination by taking English lessons. Taking pity on anyone having to learn English as an adult, I graciously volunteered to help tutor him with the nuances they never teach you in language school. “If you really want to fit into the fabric of American society,” I told Ping, “You’ll have to learn American slang and the thousands of grunts, hand signs, gestures and sounds we Americans use to take the…

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Smoke ‘Em if Ya Got ‘Em It was easy quitting heroin. Smoking was tough
February 18, 2019

Better Living through Drug Addiction It's easy getting through life... as long as you have pill, syrup, lotion, cream, antacid, vitamins, tranquilizers, hormones, and suppositories
November 18, 2016

Abracadabra! All of your old jobs are gone
January 24, 2024
All Entries, Education, History, Humor

Intercourse and Horneytown Great places to live besides Looneyville, Wetwang or Goosepimple Junction

May 11, 2016

Whether you live in a small town or a large city, where you ultimately plant your feet has a lot to say about who you are. Some people choose to live in places like Wetwang, England because they work there. Others have deep rooted family trees in Looneyville, Minnesota. And what high-powered executive wouldn’t jump at the chance to get transferred to Goosepimple Junction, Virginia? To help you decide where to make your next move, here are a few places you won’t want to miss investigating: Intercourse, Pennsylvania – With its unusually suggestive name, it’s hard for most people to believe that Intercourse, PA is located in the heart of…

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Before a Night of Fripping Spittlestoat, catenaliggette and other secrets behind mastering the new age of contemporary writing
October 28, 2021

Big Macs and Big Claims The Unstoppable Trump Train
January 31, 2024

We’ve Become Too Politically Correct! How Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs have pushed us over the edge
July 13, 2021
All Entries, Communication, Education, Humor, The Arts

Making Writers Great Again Trump University may be closed, but it's not too late to write like a reality star

January 20, 2016

Folks, I’m very, very, very pleased to announce the grand opening of my Donald J. Trump Writers Workshop. Together, we will determine the course of America and the world for many, many years to come. We will face challenges, we will confront hardships… wait a minute. That’s my inaugural speech, not my Writers Workshop introduction. Shit. Let me try it again. Folks, I’m very, very, very pleased to announce the grand opening of my Donald J. Trump Writers Workshop. This is going to be huge. And, believe me, you’re gonna love it, people. You’re gonna love it. Just like my sucessful popular Trump University, the Trump Writers Workshop will help…

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The Great Girl Scout Cookie Crisis Contending with the threat of a shortage of the beloved "Choco-Minty Delights"
May 12, 2023