Prosecutor: “You killed her, didn’t you!” Defendant: “No, no. I’m innocent.” Prosecutor: “Admit it. Your DNA was all over the maid!” Defendant: “Alright, alright. I did it. Now, please. Let go of my throat.” There’s no secret to writing riveting screenplays for television. I should know. I’ve written thousands of them. From Naked Homicide and The Streets of Wichita, Kansas to every conceivable flavor of Law & Order and CSI series known to man. I’ve won 37 Emmys, 15 Golden Globes and have been nominated for more than a dozen Academy Awards, 6 Tonys, and 3 Grammys. But, as I get on in years, I feel compelled to share some…
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Interview with a Felon It's not easy breaking the corporate barrier when you've done time
Hi. I’m here for the job. I’m sorry I’m late, but I missed the last bus from the halfway house because some of the other inmates started throwing food around at breakfast. By the time the guards released us from lockdown and found all the hidden knives, I had to steal a car to get here on time. I read in the newspaper ad that you’re looking for a mature, sharp-dressed, post-graduate educated CPA with extensive computer experience. Well, I don’t have any of those skills but I’m a fast learner. Just ask my cellmate. Besides, this place is only five minutes from the penitentiary, so I’d probably qualify for…
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Life on the Body Farm What really happens to our bodies after death?
When Mary Scarborough wrote the lyrics to “Old MacDonald Had a Farm” in 1923, she probably didn’t have a research facility in mind. She wouldn’t find cows, chickens or pigs at “The Body Farm” – just scores of rotting human bodies, covered in maggots. The Body Farm (officially known as the University of Tennessee Forensic Anthropology Facility) was the brainchild of Dr. William Bass, a Forensic Anthropologist from Kansas who helps law enforcement agencies estimate how long a person has been dead. Determining the time of death is crucial in confirming alibis and establishing timelines for violent crimes. After 11 years of watching human decomposition, Bass realized how little was…
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Customs, Laws and Faux Pas A short history of burps, sneezing, sex with porcupines
Have you ever wondered why when an infant burps after their morning bottle we all think it’s so cute? Yet, forty years later, the same guy belching after his eighteenth tallboy is absolutely disgusting? Why does a case of unbridled hiccups crack up everyone at the dinner table, but a well-placed air biscuit can clear the room? Like most other societies, American customs have resulted from generations of rules, laws, faux pas and in some cases, no reason at all. Many of our customs date far back before you were even a twinkle in your mother’s eye. These were times of unsophisticated knowledge and religious beliefs. Mores and values were…
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Steroids Invade the World of Chess How Bobby Baines got pumped up for his competitions
Canton, Ohio – The professional chess world was rocked today when 13 year old chess prodigy, Bobby Baines, was disqualified from play for testing positive for steroids. Clayton Groman, Director of the United States Chess Federation announced during a press conference from his office in Crossville, Tennessee that Baines was one of 17 professional chess players ranging in ages from 8 to 97 years old that are under suspicion for taking performance enhancing drugs on the USCF list of banned substances. “We’ve had Mr. Baines in our crosshairs for quite some time,” said Groman. “We first became suspicious when we noticed that he was becoming much more violent during matches…
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