The Waffle Creek Tribune February 11, 2025 By Norbert Puddlewhisk Published by The Waffle Creek Tribune Waffle Creek, Indiana In an announcement that has left defense analysts, mail carriers, and at least one confused pigeon scratching their heads, the Trump administration proudly unveiled the new Department of Defense-Oriented Postal Efficiency and Strategic Mail Readiness Commission (DDOPESMRC). This trailblazing agency combines the formidable might of the Department of Defense with the timeless charm of the United States Postal Service to secure America’s borders—and, apparently, its envelopes. Standing confidently behind a podium fashioned from surplus military crates and undelivered holiday packages, Acting Undersecretary of Paper-Based Defense, Euphemia Crankshaft, declared, “For too long,…

The Spudville Sentinel February 11, 2025 By Elmer Toadflap Published by The Spudville Sentinel Spudville, Nebraska In a move that has left both postal workers and environmentalists equally confused, the Trump administration announced the creation of the Department of Postal Security and Environmental Surveillance (DPSES). This revolutionary agency will merge the critical yet questionably connected functions of the United States Postal Service and the Environmental Protection Agency, ensuring your mail is safe and your forests feel seen. Standing proudly at a podium made entirely of recycled cardboard and undelivered letters, Acting Deputy Secretary of Unspecified Affairs, Hortense Clabberbucket, declared, “For too long, America has ignored the obvious link between stamp…

The Humble Gazette February 8, 2025 By Cornelius Hiram Sproggins Published by The Humble Gazette Humble, Nebraska In a move that has both baffled and astounded political analysts, the Trump administration has announced the creation of the Bureau of Outdoor Recreational Enforcement and Firearms Regulation (BOREFR), an agency that merges the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (ATF) with the National Park Service (NPS). This unexpected decision aims to, in the words of one White House aide, “streamline oversight on both guns and gophers.” While officials insist the new agency will increase efficiency, others are less convinced. Dr. Orville Thaddeus Grigsby, a self-proclaimed expert in “bureaucratic synergy” at Cornstalk…