Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the dazzling spectacle that is the Glitz & Goodwill Beauty Pageant! Tonight, we bring to you the glamour, talent, and elegance of the most beautiful and accomplished women from around the world. After weeks of incredible displays of poise, charisma, and heartfelt passion, 28 contestants representing their respective countries have vied for the honor to wear the coveted crown. But here we are, at the pinnacle of this journey—and the spotlight shines tonight on our final four contestants. Tonight, Miss Moldova, Miss Gagauzia, Miss Transnistria, and Miss Slovakia stand poised for the final step of their journey. A step that will ultimately…
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How to Ace Your Deadwood Interview with Confidence Confidence That Commands Attention
Hiring Manager (Miss Wellington-Coburn): Thank you for coming in to interview for the Solutions Specialist opening, Mr. Swearengen. My name is Miss Araminta Anastasia Constance Genevieve Ludovica Wellington-Coburn. I’m the hiring manager here at Deadwood Enterprises. Let me peel the onion and give you the lay of the land before we jump into the deep dive. We’ve got an open seat for a Level III Customer Solutions Specialist. A role where you’ll need to hit the ground running and be ready to swim with the sharks. You’ll be interfacing with our high-value clients across a variety of multi-media channels including email, voice, chat, videos, and social media. Essentially, you’re breaking…
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Thank You for Flying Titanic Airlines Taking Air Travel to Uncharted Waters
“Ladies and gentlemen, good evening, and welcome aboard Titanic Airlines, flight 1243, with non-stop service to Antarctica’s Dry Valleys and the Kamchatka Peninsula. We’re thrilled to have you with us today! My name is Isabella Fiammetta Castiglione, but you can call me Izzy, and I’ll be your Senior Flight Attendant alongside my amazing crew members, Leilani Nahir Kalākaua, Aksel Torvaldson Björnsen, Marisol Celeste Orellana, and Mateo Caspian De la Cruz. We’re here to ensure you have a safe and pleasant journey, so please give us your full attention as we go over some important safety information. First, please take a moment to locate the nearest emergency exits near your seat.…
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Customer Service Needed on Aisle 17! Assistance Required with Finding Ass Wipes
What is the proper term for “Ass Wipes?” You know, those tissues used for cleaning your Brown-eyed Willy after dropping a deuce? As I’ve grown older, I’ve experienced a flotilla of personal hygiene challenges I never had to contend with when I was in my teens. Or 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, or 60s. Things like hair growing out of strange places, drooling during dinner, putrid body odor, incontinence, flatulence, and cleaning up “back there” after pinching a loaf. It’s easy to find products in stores to handle these adjustments if you know what to ask for. But in the case of intimate hygiene products, it can be tough. It’s not…
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Romance, Red Flags, and Ridiculousness Match.com’s Most Outrageous Profiles
I first dipped my toes into the unseemly world of online dating back in 2011, with my true story, “Expelled from Match.com.” I was blown away by how many prospective “matches” inflated their dating profiles to land a first date. In the introduction, I wrote, Last year I enrolled at Match.com using the pen name of “MrMarvelous” just to see if there was anyone out there as desperate as I was to meet their perfect mate. After blowing off an entire day’s work perusing the women within 100 miles of my zip code, seven major metropolises, and all of the neighborhoods I’ve ever lived in, it became readily apparent that…
