Celebrations Archives - Allen R Smith

All Entries, Appearance, Celebrations, Home Life, Humor, Seniors

Lost Memory Mambo and Other Favorites of the Infirm

June 7, 2024

I’m thrilled to announce that this month, I’m celebrating my seventy-fifth birthday! Now, I know what some of you are thinking: “Big deal. I’ve got socks older than that!” But for me, it’s still a milestone. I was born on June 24, 1949, the same day that Hopalong Cassidy rode into our living room for the first time inside a 12-inch Philco television—black and white, of course. I just wish I could have been there to see it. I was preoccupied with being born. As it turns out, there were a lot of important “firsts” in 1949. Here are just a few of them, along with their original marketing slogans: Tupperware…

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Pardon Me, But You’re Stepping on My Boundaries They’re not much but they’re all we have
July 29, 2018

The Tour De France Has a Female Winner! How the Stay Free Mini-pad team destroyed professional cycling forever
November 8, 2018

Making Writers Great Again Trump University may be closed, but it's not too late to write like a reality star
January 20, 2016
All Entries, Celebrations, ChatGPT, Humor

Great Gift Ideas for Father’s Day Gag Gifts for the Guy Who Made You

May 22, 2024

Father’s Day is just around the corner, so it’s time to show Dad how much you care with a gift that’s as unique and special as he is. Whether he’s a fan of quirky gadgets, culinary delights, or just loves a good laugh, we’ve got you covered with an array of imaginative and hilarious gift ideas. Dive into these great suggestions and find the perfect present that will bring a smile to Dad’s face and a chuckle to his heart. Let’s make this Father’s Day one for the books! Burger Boss Paperweights Introducing the Burger Boss Paperweight. The ultimate Father’s Day gift that does nothing. This gooey, double-cheeseburger-inspired masterpiece is…

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Billionaires in Space Sir Richard Branson becomes the first to complain about in-space food service and movies
July 17, 2021

Making Writers Great Again Trump University may be closed, but it's not too late to write like a reality star
January 20, 2016

Four Scores and Countless Metaphors Abraham Lincoln’s New Gettysburg Address
August 17, 2024
All Entries, Animals, Celebrations, ChatGPT, Humor

Two Years After My Adoption Narrated by Dewie the Cat and Richard Burton

May 11, 2024

Hey there. Dewie the cat here, and boy, do I have tales to spin about my paws-itively hilarious life with my human, Allen. Buckle up, it’s gonna be a wild ride! So, I popped into this world on a cool Thursday, March 3, 2022, in a not-so-glamorous vacant lot. Yeah, not exactly the plush beginning you’d expect for a charming fellow like me. My mom, bless her heart, had to bolt, leaving me and my siblings to fend for ourselves. Thankfully, the heroes at the San Diego Humane Society scooped us up, and after a stint in the infirmary (I was a bit of a fixer-upper), I graduated to the…

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The Future of the Football Helmet’s Cutting Edge Technology NFL Implements Radical New Helmet Rule: VICIS ZERO2 MATRIX QB Helmet Now Mandatory 24/7
April 14, 2023

Exercise Pills Mimic the Effects of a Full Workout Pop a Pill Skip the Gym
June 11, 2024

Can Stress Cause Me to Gain Weight? How much you eat may not be the only reason you're gaining weight
August 14, 2018
All Entries, Animals, Celebrations, ChatGPT, Communication, Home Life, Humor, Pets and Animals

A Tail of True Love Man Marries His Cat in a Groundbreaking Ceremony

January 8, 2024

Let me tawk straight heah—when ya hear ’bout a guy marryin’ his cat in Bugtussle, Kentucky, ya might t’ink da world’s finally gone nuts. But stick around, ’cause dis ain’t just any ole tabloid fodder; it’s a bona fide love story that could only happen where chickens outnumber folks. So, picture dis: Allen Smith, a retired ski instructor wid a knack for adventure, meets Dewie, a tabby cat, on some kooky online dating site for pets. Yeah, ya heard right—online datin’ for pets! Dis ain’t no typical “boy meets girl” gig; it’s “man meets cat,” and not just at da local bar, but on “Da Waggle and Woof Society” website.…

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Breaking Beav The true story of how Ward, June, Wally and the Beav succeeded in the methamphetimine trade
December 16, 2016

Exercise Pills Mimic the Effects of a Full Workout Pop a Pill Skip the Gym
June 11, 2024

15 Questions Your Ghostwriter Should Be Asking You And other tips for finding the right person to write your book
June 21, 2019
All Entries, Celebrations, Family, Humor, Romance

From Aisle to Asylum A Hilarious Send-off to the Madness of Newlywed Life

May 16, 2023

Ladies and gentlemen, esteemed guests, and fellow Rehab Rascals alumni, I stand before you today with a heart full of sincerity and a warm and welcoming spirit as we celebrate the union of my beautiful daughter, who we affectionately refer to as Snickerdoodle, and her dashing groom, Ziggy. Before I begin, I’d like to thank Aunt Petunia for bringing the potato salad, Cousin Archibald for the beef jerky, and all the other special guests who have gathered to partake in this celebration with us. Ziggy, we feel we’ve gained a new family member, and we want you to know that you are always welcome in our home anytime; as long…

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Sticky Bomb Threat Foiled How the TSA thwarts bombs made from Diet Coke and Mentos mints
May 15, 2016

Kindergarten: An Adventure Like No Other A preschool valedictorian addresses the challenges of disillusion, failure and broccoli
April 11, 2023

Hand Gestures Grunts, gestures and the sounds we make to communicate
June 7, 2016