Like most people, I was born with 38,894,400 minutes to do with as I please before I depart this earth and embark on my journey into the next life. If I’m lucky, I’ll be reincarnated as a sexier model of my earthly self, with a chance to marry Amy Darowitz, have 10 kids, go to Harvard Law School and become a managing partner at Cohen, Beckermann, Feuchtwanter and Hincklestein. Short of that, I’ll just have to make the best of the time I’ve been given. Time is such a nebulous concept that I’ve felt the need to explore it on more than one occasion. The first time was literally the…
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Chasing the Elu$ive American Dream What ever happened to my white picket fence?
When I was 10, my father took me by the shoulder and said, “Son, we need to talk.” To this day, whenever someone (particularly my boss), tells me that we need to talk, it sends shivers down my spine. I had no idea it was going to be about the American dream. My mother was away doing whatever mothers do on a Saturday afternoon, so he knew he held me captive for at least an hour. He led me into the garage and told me to slide across the front seat of his car. Sitting in the front seat of my father’s Oldsmobile had become our own little cone of…
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Employment is a Full-Time Job For every job, there is an inverse relationship between its potential earnings and the happiness it brings
I wasn’t born to be a sperm donor. Nor was it my lifelong dream to be a grave digger, dog food tester or phone sex worker – but I’ve done all four. And worse. For as long as I can remember I’ve had trouble settling on a career. Unlike most of my high school classmates who instantly knew they wanted to be politicians, lawyers or proctologists (which I conveniently lump into the same category), my lot in life has been a never ending search for the meaning of life – and where to clock out at the end of the day. Bouncing from one hollow, low-paying experience to another, my…
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Just Call Me Admiral The secret to earning respect: uniforms for everyone!
Immediately after graduating from high school, I made a bold move – I enlisted in the Navy. Even though the Vietnam War was revving up, it seemed like the right thing to do. I was a prime target for the draft, I had no aspirations for higher education and more importantly, I was sorely in need of discipline and organization. Unfortunately, it didn’t take me long to figure out that military life wasn’t for me – about 3 weeks. I didn’t particularly care for living in the same room with 40 other guys, I was never allowed to sleep in and I wasn’t very good at taking orders. But, it…
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Daring Dining Tired of the same old resturants? Maybe dining while suspended 180 feet in the air is the anwer
Dining with and entertaining out of town guests can be difficult. Especially when it comes to finding original, trendy places to dine. After all, once you’ve had one surf & turf, you’ve had them all. Fortunately, the food and beverage industry is never at a loss for new and unusual places to eat. Here’s a list of my favorite new restaurants. Admittedly, I haven’t been to them all, but they’re on my bucket list. The Heart Attack Grill – Dallas, Texas and Chandler, Arizona The Heart Attack Grill makes no apologies for its menu. In fact, every featured item embraces an unhealthy diet. Located in Chandler, Arizona and Dallas, Texas,…
