Mitchum Antiperspirant: Remove the cap from the top of the product casing. Twist the knob at the bottom of the container counter-clockwise, until the product begins to ooze from the small holes at the top of the dispenser. While holding the dispenser in your right hand, lift your left elbow away from your naked body until your upper arm is…
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You Won’t Be Getting a Birthday Card From Me I just don’t have the time
Next to having a root canal or prostate exam, I can’t imagine anything more abhorrent than spending an hour standing in front of a sea of birthday cards, trying to decide on the one that best says, “Happy birthday, Mom!” It’s not the cost. After all, most greeting cards will only lighten your wallet by a few bucks. No, it’s…
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Never Ask a Repairman What’s Wrong? They’re working hard to keep you in the dark
The dentist’s office is a place where I’ll go in for a simple tooth cleaning, and find out I need my entire jaw reconstructed. Plumbers have mastered the “long, slow whistle,” and auto mechanics are masters of, “Well, there’s good news and bad news.” Your computer repairman can lapse into a string of vernacular that would leave Stephen Hawking in…
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Responses to Ski School Letters Exposing the underbelly of teaching guests how to ski
Dear Rex, Thank you for your caring letter of March 27th. I hope your fractured leg has healed and the skin grafts have finally taken. After all of the tissue rejection problems you experienced while on vacation here, a little good news would certainly be in order. Since your unfortunate accident in our “breakthrough” class, we’ve made a number of…
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Lies are Like Boomerangs No matter how talented you are at telling whoppers, eventually, they’ll come back to haunt you.
There’s only two people in your life you should lie to… the police and your girlfriend. – Jack Nicholson I’ve never told a lie. Now, that right there is a lie. But if you have, you know the sinking feeling of being caught like a deer in the headlights. The blood rushes from your head to your feet, you begin…
