All Entries Archives - Page 42 of 56 - Allen R Smith

All Entries, Family, Home Life, Humor, Romance

Speed Dating Cougars, MILFs and Chihuahuas Scoring the woman of your dreams from your Barcalounger and iPhone

September 11, 2017

Ten minutes after my divorce was final, I decided that I’d waited long enough to go looking for the woman of my dreams. Or, at least the next woman of my dreams. It was time for speed dating. I heard from my friends that dating in the 21st Century might be a tad different than I remember it. Guys don’t cruise the boulevard looking for chicks at the malt shop anymore and it’s not cool to leave large hickies on their necks. So, I decided to do some research before I got busy. The Internet has made dating infinitely easier than it used to be. Thanks to my Comcast account,…

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Watching Grandma Circle the Drain Alkaline hydrolysis: the latest way to get rid of a dead body

July 26, 2017

There’s only so many ways you can get rid of a dead body. Regardless of how it got that way – stabbed, shot, bludgeoned, run over by a truck, pummeled, poisoned, choked, tossed off a building or just withered from old age – its final demise has to be handled with care. Up until recently, you only had two choices. You could bury Grandma in a casket or cremate her. Both cost a lot of money and take weeks of planning. Or, if money’s tight, you could always drive into the middle of the desert in the dead of night, dig a hole by the glow of your car’s headlights…

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Expelled from Match.com! Tips for scoring hot chicks on internet dating sites... just before they pull your plug

June 16, 2017

Last year I enrolled at Match.com using the pen name of “MrMarvelous” just to see if there was anyone out there as desperate as I was to meet their perfect mate. After blowing off an entire day’s work perusing the women within 100 miles of my zip code, seven major metropolises and all of the neighborhoods I’ve ever lived, it became readily apparent that of the 40 million single men and women who subscribe to on-line dating services, most are looking for the same thing – and their profiles reflect it. So, to leverage myself against my male competitors and attract more than my fair share of the lovelier sex,…

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Why I Became a Professional Tattoo Artist And the lure of fame, fortune and handling naked body parts
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I’m Mad as Hell and I’m Not Going to Interview Anymore Or, what’s gone wrong with the current job search process?

June 12, 2017

I’ve dropped out of the job market. I give up. I’m not retired. And it’s not that I don’t need the money anymore. I do. But I need intro-cranial bleeding, high blood pressure, and assaults on my dignity a lot less. So, I’ve adopted Howard Beale’s 1976 rant from “Network:” I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore! Despite everything you read in Forbes, on LinkedIn, and in Fish & Stream, there’s something seriously wrong with the job search process today. Industry experts shrug their shoulders, claiming there are just too many people looking for work these days. Poppycock. There’s something fundamentally broken with the system.…

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The Popsicle Story Eppsicles, fudgesicles and popsicles: the true story behind the frozen treats

May 2, 2017

As luck would have it, some of the best inventions that are part of our lives actually happened by accident. Who could possibly imagine going through a day without Kool-Aid, penicillin, microwave ovens, ice cream cones, Post it notes, potato chips, Super Glue, Slinkies or heaven forbid… no Popsicles? The Cold Start of a Legend The Popsicle was “invented” in 1905 by an industrious 11-year-old boy named Frank Epperson during an unseasonably cold San Francisco evening. After accidentally leaving his fruit drink in a cup on the front porch overnight, he discovered that the juice had frozen around the wooden stir stick. The next morning, he pulled the frozen drink…

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