“That ain’t workin’, that’s the way you do it Get your money for nothing, get your chicks for free” – Dire Straits, 1985 We’ve all done things for money. Some noble. Some necessary. And some that still wake us up at night in a cold sweat, with the faint echo of elevator music and the itch of polyester uniforms. From the moment we’re tall enough to reach a cash register and can fake a smile that says, “Yes, I’d love to help you find your size in a shoe we haven’t carried since 1983,” we’re ushered into a world of occupational roulette. Sometimes you land on “Valuable Life Experience.” Sometimes…
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Your Senior Trip The Ups and Downs of Staying on Your Feet After 65
It happened somewhere over the Rockies, midflight to Denver, when our 747 decided to impersonate a bucking bronco. Luggage compartments popped open like jack-in-the-boxes, a snack cart took a nosedive into first class, and my seatmate—a silver-foxed gentleman with a face like a wise walnut—was flailing for his armrest like it owed him money. “This is nothing,” he bellowed, barely dodging a renegade peanut packet as it whizzed by his ear. “You should try getting out of my bathtub!” I let out a wheeze-laugh, clutched the seat in front of me, and tried not to go airborne. Because, as a seventy-something jet-setter with knees that audibly negotiate every step like…
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Big Changes to 2028 Los Angeles Summer Olympic Games Venues USOC orders replacing water with chocolate pudding in all aquatic events
March 18, 2025 By Orville Zebulon Witherspoon The Broken Spoke Sentinel Flatbottom, Nebraska In a move that has left athletes, sports analysts, and dairy farmers equally bewildered, the United States Olympic Committee (USOC) announced today that starting in the 2028 Los Angeles Summer Olympic Games, all aquatic events, including freestyle swimming, synchronized diving, and, water polo will be staged exclusively in pools filled with Jell-O™ Chocolate Pudding. The decision, described by insiders as “either the most visionary sports innovation in history or an absolute train wreck waiting to happen,” was allegedly made to increase viewer engagement, and “reduce the risk of water-related injuries,” according to USOC spokesperson Mildred Eustace Butterfield.…
