Back in the fall of 1954 when Charlton Heston first came to me with an idea for a religious adventure film, I thought he was nuts. After all, I was only five years old at the time and had just started my first year at the prestigious Léman Manhattan Preparatory School. “Listen, Chuckie.” That’s what he liked to be called back then. “I don’t know the first thing about epic religious dramas. And besides, I just signed a new deal with Isaac Himmelman over at Paramount for Killer Tomatoes From Mars. Not to mention my studies. My parents are dropping over fifty-grand a year and have big plans to get…
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I Mastered The Theremin To Get Laid And I’m not ashamed to admit it
“I could play that.” “What are you talking about?” “That. That eerie music thingy.” “Do you mean the theremin?” “Yeah. Well, I don’t know what you call it, but I bet you I could learn how to play it.” “You’re on. I’ll bet you can’t learn how to play Over the Rainbow on the theremin in a month. If you lose, you have to take me out to dinner. If you win, I’ll take you out. I’ll even show you my nipples.” And so, I was off and running in my continuing quest to learn how to play yet another musical instrument — this time the theremin — and get…
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What in the Heck is a Ghostwriter? And why should you be using one?
Imagine for one moment, you’re standing on the threshold of the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter is perched high upon his pulpit examining the records of everyone waiting in line to get into Heaven. Like a final audit, if you will, he’s making one concluding determination who gets in and who goes to… well, you know… that other place. As the line inches forward, you overhear St. Peter asking each old soul cowering in front of him, “Well, how have you lived your life? What did you do with what we gave you? Did you share it with anyone else?” In essence, he’s asking for your elevator speech—a 30-second pitch on…
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Coming Up with Creative Incentives for Getting Vaccinated Your chance to get a lap dance, colonoscopy, or early parole — for free!
St. Louis, MO — Anheuser-Busch Companies, famous for brewing beer, malt beverages, energy drinks, and bottled water, announced today that it would be hopping on the bandwagon in support of President Biden’s push to get 70% of American adults at least partially vaccinated by Independence Day. “Anheuser-Busch announced that the beer’s on them on July the Fourth,” “Anheuser-Busch announced that the beer’s on them on July the Fourth,” said Mr. Biden at the White House on Wednesday. “That’s right. Get a shot and have a beer! Free beer for everyone 21 years or over to celebrate independence from the virus.” Eligible adults will need to upload a non-compromising picture of…
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How to Clean Your Bum And other important product descriptions you may have missed
Mitchum Antiperspirant: Remove the cap from the top of the product casing. Twist the knob at the bottom of the container counter-clockwise, until the product begins to ooze from the small holes at the top of the dispenser. While holding the dispenser in your right hand, lift your left elbow away from your naked body until your upper arm is parallel to the floor. Point the tip of the dispenser toward your underarm at a 45-degree angle where your upper arm and torso meet (armpit). Press the dispenser firmly against your skin while dragging the applicator down, applying a thin film of product to your skin. Repeat under other arm.…
